SHITE CLUB
Geezer smackdown plot: Trini-dad makes Jim drink some brownish monkey-crack type fluid to make him fight harder and drags him off down the community centre. Moomin gets out all Jim's old boxing photos and arranges them on the floor to spell out the letters "Jim is going to have a fight". When Dot finds out she rushes round and shouts "Jim!" at just the right moment to allow Fagin to knock him out. When Jim comes round Dot tells him that he won anyway.

Slutty has a Bridezilla mentalist episode when Sullen and Mo come home with an xmas cake as they cannot find a wedding cake in the shops. They re-ice it and make a huge fucking deal of it as though they are repainting the Forth Bridge or something. Jesus - icing sugar and water! how hard is that! apparently Drippy is the icing expert but she is nowhere to be found. Where can she be?

Shirley gets sick of Ash and asks him to move out, but then Secret Santa Simpleton pops up inexplicably to give her a lecture on the True Meaning of Christmas, so she lets him stay after all. There is one scene where Ash plays with the adorable ginger kitten. Yay!

Fool meets his loser lawyer but at this point my sister rang up to complain about the Last Ever Episode of Buffy, so I don't know what happened. We all know they get married at xmas so who cares.

Juhneen asks Baz what he wants as a massive wedding/xmas present, just so that Baz is forced to think of a massive present for her. Bad Brutha goes round and hypnotises Baz into putting the house in their joint names or something. Baz is so pleased that he asks BB to be his best man. Later on Baz tells Juhneen about the joint house thing and she hugs him and gives a patented evil Juhneen smile.

Drippy and Billy have to go back to talk to DC Meera Syal about the rape case. Graham is saying it was consensual. Surprise surprise. DC "Wasting my talents on the kumars at number 42" asks about the presents such as the rose and the secret pen. Billy is shocked and appalled. Also he is pissed off when he finds out that Kyert knows all about it too. Yes, Billy, Drippy did all these things on purpose just to make your life a misery. He puts on his gay looking bomber jacket, walks round the square a few times and then sits on Losers Bench to cry.