DRIPPY VERSUS WET WET WET
(or: I think Marti Pellow should sue)
It's another busy night in the Vic, and Drippy's in charge. Despite having served behind the bar of the Vic for thousands of years, Silent Tracey doesn't seem to mind that this Drippy-come-lately has been promoted over her head, or maybe she does, especially as it means that she gets some more lines. Billy's still worried about safeguarding Drippy's virtue because the perambulating stag party seems to be back and causing trouble, but Drippy says she can handle it. Billy leaves her in the dubious care of Sullen and AGarry, and goes home to prepare the house for Drippy's birthday celebrations, starting with a Bazza-style candlefest in the living room. That house has already gone up in flames once, you know.

Gay Pike is sad. Poline arranges to meet with Man-faced Daughter and ask her why...why? Man-faced Daughter says that Gay Pike was never around when she needed him (that's because your mum banned him from your presence, dear...what is he? psychic?), and her brother, possessed by the Forces of Homophobia, apparently doesn't want Man-faced Daughter to have anything to do with Gay Pike. Poline's face hardens, and she demands the address of Homophobic Son. As the offspring of Gay Pike, Man-faced Daughter doesn't have a will of her own, naturally, and she obediently writes down Homophobic Son's address - strangely enough, I know somebody who lives in that street..

Dadvis tells Adull that Shirley's polite brush-offs are proof that she's gagging for some Dadvis-lovin', and decides to go and ask her out yet again. But oh no! Ash is already there, sensitively helping her prepare a romantic dinner for two. He hides in that odd little corridor bit (coward) while Dadvis tries to persuade Shirley again. Oh just leap out and say: "Bugger off, you bequiffed old hasbeen. She's mine, I tell you!" Shirley says the meal for two is to celebrate Kyert moving in downstairs, gets rid of Dadvis and wails at Ash some more. Ash promises to tell Dadvis...tomorrow...

Back at the Vic, Stalker Graham is in, and we learn that he is a cabbie when he trades shortcut information with Charlie (bet it wasn't anywhere south of the river either). I suppose this compounds his crime somehow because he probably breaks some Cabbie Code (thou shalt not stalk and rape thy fellow cabbie's offspring). I think the Hackney Carriage office should sue. He plays darts with Gay Pike and generally looks fed up when Billy's around. Oh, and he keeps putting that awful Wet Wet Wet cover of Love is All Around. Danger! Danger!!

Jim's boxing nickname was "Basher Brannigan", apparently. He's boasting about his conquests when Ron Moody (for it is he - and in remarkably good nick for his age) appears with a bunch of charming Victorian urchins in tow and taunts Jim some more. Dot tells Ron/Fagin to back off, and Fagin decides to review the situation and retreat for now. TriniDad winds Jim up and I think there's going to be some kind of Old Codger Stand-Off over Christmas. Christ, who'd be a pensioner on EE, eh? What happened to tea and bingo down at the community centre?

Silent Tracey is ill ("I'm not very well, it says here"), and Drippy sends her home. Foolish Drippy! AGarry and Sullen slip off to the Arches for a quickie and Drippy is soon left alone in a deserted, locked pub with Stalker Graham, who helps her clean up, then uses his eeevil stalker powers to put the WWW song on a loop, and makes a grab for poor, twitching Drippy.

I'm appalled by this. Can't we have a Christmas when Drippy doesn't get sexually assaulted or battered or romantically disappointed or locked in a burning room with Eeeevil Trevor? This whole "once a victim, always a victim" nonsense is demeaning and an insult to viewers' intelligence - but then EE scriptwriters must think we're stupid if we can accept Fill Mitchell as a sex god.