IT'S MY BIRTHDAY AND I'LL COWER IN THE BEDROOM IF I WANT TO
The fun continues...

Drippy can't look at anybody and keeps brushing her hair forward in a strange, Toni-Arthurish fashion. Nobody notices though - including idiot Billy. He organises a "surprise party" in the Vic even though Drippy makes every excuse under the sun not to go anywhere near the place all day.

No Mates Kyert tries to persuade Drippy to go to the police, and fails. Drippy says she's going to pretend that nothing's happened because she doesn't want to upset Billy.

Fool and Slutty come home to find that Drippy has failed to open up the Vic and that an angry crowd has gathered outside. Slutty finds Drippy cowering, thinks she's just being Drippy, and we get yet another reiteration of Shite Plot Device #7: talking over other person and misunderstanding - again. Slutty thinks that Drippy is being...well..drippy about a minor harassment and tells her that it's all part of the Way of The Barmaid. Drippy nods and goes off to find her most nun-like outfit for her birthday dinner with Billy.

Ash and Adull talk boringly about Shirley and will Ash won't Ash tell Dadvis. Adull is frightened that Dadvis will take out his fury on him, not Ash. Oh stand up for yourself, boy!

Gay Pike won't eat his breakfast sausage, so Poline goes off to find Homophobic Son, who lives in the Fortress of Homophobia - aka Bromley. Actually, he appears to live in Darnley Road - wasn't Darnley Mary Queen of Scots' Big Gay Husband? Obscure historical references aside, Homophobic Son has a horrid little beard, wears grey jumpers and lives in a Barratt home with fake pillars. He says he wants nothing to do with Gay Pike. Poline is sad. She returns home and tells Gay Pike that his children are even viler than her own. Gay Pike can't quite believe this, and gazes for a long time at photographs of Poline's lying/cheating/criminal/ boring offspring in happier times.

Once again, Ash fails to tell Dadvis - who bamboozles him with some nonsense about how glad he is that Shirley can talk books with his kids or whatever. Shirley is reading a book in the Vic when Dadvis rolls in for another crack at her defences. She realises that Ash didn't tell him and walks out. Dadvis follows her, and Shirley finally yells: "For God's sake you stupid old fart, I'm shagging your eldest son. Now leave me alone and go and mime Heartbreak Hotel or something!"

MMartin creeps around Dot, fixing broken shelves etc. Moomin is cross and tells Dot that he's only doing it to get into Moomin's knickers. Dot does a lot of bible quoting this week.

Fagin appears when you least expect him and taunts Jim into agreeing to fight him. Oh please stop this now.

Billy approves of Drippy's new Nun look (plus Argos locket with pic of Stupid Terence in it), and drags her into the Vic, where all and sundry are gathered to party in her honour. All the men line up to paw at Drippy and kiss her festively - even AGarry. It's all too much for Drippy and she bursts into tears.

Sorry this update isn't very funny, but I'm still angry about this victim nonsense. Kacey Ainsworth is a fine actress, and it's good that she's finally got something meaty to do after months of Frank Spencer-style simpering. However, there are other ways of dealing with this topic, and as usual the EE scriptwriters have taken the Brookside/Hollyoaks route. Soon every single woman on the Square will be a teenage blonde would-be lingerie designer with a thing for middle-aged men, or the Token Fat Bird, or a woefully inept gangstress - oops we've already got one of those, haven't we?