SHAM'S BORN UNDER A BAD SIGN WITH THE BLUE MOON IN HER EYE

In the absence of any Gratuitous Shirt Removal action from Denman, we have to make do with Ash's bare chest as he tells Shirley that no, he's got to get up because there's lots of marking to do. Shirley nags him about telling Dadvis about their July-November love, but Ash gives her that cross-eyed look and runs off. Dadvis is mean to Adull again, and Adull tries to get back into Dadvis's good books by unearthing a discount coupon for a Christmas dinner cruise up the Thames. Dadvis's little eyes light up (he really does look like my grandad when he does that - but my grandad was a nice man, not a crazed Elvis-impersonating stalker) and he goes off to stalk Shirley some more. Shirley tries to say no nicely, but Dadvis accuses her of playing hard to get, the saucy little minx. Shirley runs off and moans to Ash about her stalking Hell - "it's like he's The Terminator or something!"

Gangster Barbie Sham swings into action first thing. She goes around to all Fill's "businesses" demanding "the books", flustering all and sundry, sniping at Kyert and telling AGarry off for being a workshy waster. Denman flaps uselessly, and O-Den visits Sham with his contract for buying the Vic. The Snooker Hall (have we ever seen its interior before?) is full of Fill-a-likes who leer at Sham's blonde femaleness Sham is sad and confused and frightened that she might have to shave all her hair off and put a ton of weight on in order to intimidate her workers like Fill did. Enter Araminta, her bald fairy godmother. Araminta says that Fill has asked him to be Sham's bitch while Fill's in prison, and gives her a little pep talk about not being Fill, but doing things Sham's way, but can they keep the strap-on (no, not really). Sham changes out of the Little Lawyer Lady suit into a Nu-Age Bling Bling Gangsta white trouser suit a la Posh Spice about two years ago. Gangsta Sham then goes around all the "businesses" being nice to Laura and Rickay, but nasty to Snooker Hall Bald Man - who has been fiddling the books very badly indeed. GSham sacks Snooker Hall Man and then goes to tear up the contract to buy the Vic in O-Den's face. The final shot is GSham looking satisfied with her day's work. Ho hum. Oh yes, she tells Billy that he's too useless to work for her. Billy is sad.

Elsewhere. MMartin tries to show Moomin that he's all grown up now and invites her to lunch. He is a prat. She walks out. Next!

Poline meets up with a very tall middle-aged woman who claims to be Gay Pike's daughter but she looks far too old to me. Apparently Mrs Gay Pike is dead and Daughter of Gay Pike isn't that keen on meeting up with the man who broke her mother's heart yaddayadda. Poline appears to be drinking far too much Sunny Delight these days, but she eventually talks the Pikelette into meeting Gay Pike.

Cute kid-from-yesterday's lice prove to be superlicely athletic and leap about six feet from Nit Kid's head to AGarry's head. AGarry passes them on to Simpleton and Sullen - and from the way they're scratching we can surmise that AGarry does not like to yodel in the furry canyon.

Shirley nags Ash some more about Dadvis's stalking and asks why, why won't Ash tell him about their love. Ash confesses about the gambling habit, and Shirley forgives him. More shagging, and Ash disappears into the night again. But no, as they are saying goodbye, Adull sees them in his rear view mirror. Ruh roh!