MO' BETTER BLUES
Ooooh look! There’s Araminta, lurking all over this episode and trying desperately to look shifty and hard. Actually, nearly every scene has a bald-potato-faced man lurking sinisterly near a Watts. Could it be that something has happened with Fill?

Well, we’re back at Weird Family Central. Den’s off to do panto clear up some “business� in Spain. Shazza is all happy that they’re all going to spend Christmas together, and digs out a ghastly 80s-style white Woolworths fake tree and some 20-year-old decorations so that the Wattses can remember Christmases past –you mean Arfur’s nervous breakdown, Den’s Xmas day divorce papers and Angie’s suicide attempt? Happy days…

Fool is shouting at his sweaty solicitor because he doesn’t understand that decree absolutes take longer than five minutes to sort out, the loser. Slutty gets all Bridezilla about the cake and the fact that Teen is still taking measurements for the wedding dress less than a week before the big day. Just go and get something from John Lewis, love. That’s what I did.

One of the bald Fill-a-likes is dressed as Santa, and goes around with a very well-filled festive begging bucket, but nobody robs him. Ve-r-ry suspicious.

Drippy notices that Billy is avoiding her and spending all day staring at an empty pint glass in the pub. DC “Well it’s better than writing musicals for Andrew Lloyd Webber� tells her that Stalker Rapist Graham will be charged later on that day. Billy lies and says that he really does think that Drippy was raped, but then does the classic soap looking doubtful/shifty over other person’s shoulder that signifies that he isn’t Telling The Truth.

Sacked Sullen looks glummer than usual when Slutty does her “La la la I’m getting married� act. Apparently today is the day that she and AGarry D.I.V.O.R.C.E. Normal, sane people would be rejoicing at this, but Sullen gets a pregnancy test instead and looks sulkily at the package. Later on, she tells AGarry that she doesn’t want to get divorced, and anyway, she’s pregnant. AGarry is overjoyed, but then he spies Simpleton pushing the Simplet’s pram around the market and looks guilty/doubtful/shifty over Sullen’s shoulder.

Denman’s back from Brighton, and he’s bought some hair gel for himself, and huge stick of rock for Kyert (ooer missus). Kyert’s mobile phone keeps ringing, but nobody is on the other end. Detective Kyert doesn’t think this is unusual. O-Den charges Denman with the care of the Watts women – oh for God’s sake, Shazza can take care of herself with those shoulders.

O-Den tries to buy the Vic from Sham again, this time with a Tesco bag full of used twenties. Sham has just heard that Fill has escaped from HMP Lakeland Plastics, and says no. She and Araminta speculate gleefully on how Fill will use his new-found knowledge of the Beechwood Citrus Reamer on the Wattses. O-Den goes to the airport in a taxi driven by a bald-potato head who isn’t Fill.

Denman overhears Dot and Jim speculating about Fill’s escape (eh?) and runs home to save the women by packing them off to Brighton. Shazza demands to know what is going on, then O-Den reappears. Looks like the Captain Hook panto gig in Bromley is off for a while.