MUPPETS GO NORTH
Juhneen rolls around in bed in her bootylicious pyjamas, eating chocolates and making smug faces. It turns out that she is in the hotel in Scotland and Bad Brutha has to convince Baz-ra to run, run like the wind to be with her. Baz says that he is definitely not going to marry her but that he will go and talk to her to explain properly like. Bad Brutha goes with him - wow, being stuck in a car with Baz all the way to Scotland - maybe it won't be Juhneen who murders him after all.

The Teen Muppets roll call for the Trip Of Doom: Finhead Mickey, Vickney, Backstreet, DJ Ross, Kareena, Muh-Martin, Moomin, Gus, Teen, Kellay, Wellard. I think that's everyone, but wait! Who is that lurking in the bushes - it is Scalliq, spying on DJ Ross and touching himself lewdly. When no-one is looking, he jumps in the back of the mini-van and hides under the coats. Kareena and Finhead are flirting and carrying on for some reason. Everyone teases Backstreet for being travelsick and Vickney defends him. Her make up is fab but she is wearing a pink vest and a pink tartan mini skirt for some reason. It is like the Barbie Highland Games outfit. Kellay is wearing a bizarre metal mesh minidress. This isn't Blake's 7, love. Teen is wearing a midriff bearing top, a wierd choker with lots of crucifixes hanging off it and slinky trousers. Um Teen, I think they finished casting Charlies Angels SEVERAL YEARS AGO. As soon as they get going, Kell'n'Teen break out a bottle of Tequila.

Bad Brutha listens to Baz pissing and moaning that he is doomed and can't put Juhneen through marraige/widowhood etc for like, hours. I was worried that they would make him likable when he was terminally ill but no, he is still a big old dick. Baz keeps wanting to stop for snacks/to help passers by etc and Bad Brutha tries to keep him going. The best bit is when Baz wants to stop to help a lady motorist and BB says "Don't! She might be a feminist!". Meanwhile Juhneen starts to get anxious, even though she is being massaged by a swarthy hunk.

The Teen muppets carry on like muppets and moan about the crappy van etc. More flirting between Kareena and Finhead. She goes on about how nice it is to have a normal, none agonizing relationship which surely means that Finhead is doomed to die. The best bit is when they all start going on about how Scalliq is a creepy loser and he hears the whole thing.

Baz, BB, driving, talking, more driving.

The Teen Muppets inexplicably drive into a "American Werewolf in London" style desolate moor and get lost. They are arguing about who's fault it is when Finhead accidentally drives off the road and the van rolls over a few times. Ruh roh. The director goes crazy with lots of shaky cam action. Woo! Shake that camera! Shake it like a polaroid picture! The van comes to rest and the Teen Muppets all start screaming and howling. It doesn't sound much different from the other scenes, to be honest.

Baz arrives at the hotel. Juhneen appears in a low cut black dress and gives a tearful "If you were going to die tomorrow (and you will, doh, did I say that out loud?) then I would still want to be your wife for a single day!" speech. Baz says that as soon as he saw Juhneen (and more specifically her cleavage) he knew he wanted to marry her and proposes again. Juhneen accepts (duh) and smiles triumphantly over his shoulder at Bad Brutha.

Everyone piles out of the Van of Doom. Kareena has a nose bleed and Vickney has some photogenic scrapes on her cheek but everyone else is OK apart from Teen who is screaming non stop. Shut up Teen. She has a broken leg but that's no excuse. Unfortunately they manage to drag her out without having to amputate with a rusty pen knife and tequila as anaesthetic and Sonia activates her Medical Moomin Powers to take charge (she says "We need to get her to a hospital" Cheers, Sonia). They can't get a signal on their phones, are all underdressed for parky Scottish weather and then the van catches fire. Scalliq weakly cries for help. I assume he is trapped too. Wellard does a valiant Lassie-when-Timmy-is-stuck-down the-Well barking "I think he's trying to tell us something!" routine but all the Muppets are too thick to notice. Burn Scalliq! burn!