FOR GAWD'S SAKE GET FOOL TO THE COURT ONNNN TIIIME!
Fool: hungover and handcuffed to the bed. He has to be in court in two hours and doesn't see that Slutty has put the key about two inches from his nose. Prat. Even Backstreet finds the key and off Fool dashes to the court, only to find it's closed. Does he tell Slutty? What do you think?

Martin has found a job as an irritating Charity Santa. Moomin beams approvingly and bestows a festive Moomin kiss on Martin. Poline gets a card from Mark in Finland (maybe he's got a seasonal job as Santa's Little Helper).

Shazza doesn't like Kyert staying with them because Kyert was the one who dobbed Fill in it, and besides, it makes freakish crypto-incest with Denman well nigh impossible. Den grounds Vickney just in case Fill is overcome by a fit of public-spiritedness and does her in instead of Kyert or Shazza. Vickney wants a "family" Christmas (though she seems to have forgotten about phoning her mother) and doesn't want Kyert to be there. Kyert is sad. Denman decides to comfort her in the only way he knows how (did the shirt come off, btw?).

Drippy has forgotten her wedding anniversary. She's also scared about facing Rapist Graham in court.

Dadvis welcomes the prodigal Ash home and taunts Shirley in public. Shirley is sad.

DI Marsden phones Kyert to tell her that a fat spud-head matching Fill's description has been arrested in Portsmouth (EE scriptwriters discover another south coast town shock!). Den gloats at Sham, but then a taxi draws up outside, and duh-duh duhhhhh! It's Fill! The Spudhead in the Portsmouth cells turns out to be Araminta!

Sorry it's so short folks, but I was busy battling with my cousins over the traditional Xmas Eve prawn curry feast.