MARTYRDOM OF ST FOOL PT 2

Dim Denman and Slutty are all over each other like a rather nasty rash (which I'm sure they'll get for real before long). Over at the pub, Fool lies in a pool of blood, done over by the thuglings, who seem to have done nothing more than give him a few taps with a beer glass and kicked his ribs a bit.

On her way into work Slutty discovers Fool and gets him upstairs into his West Ham jimmy jams and he spins some completely unrealistic yarn to La Famille Lune. Slutty gets the truth, of course.

Dot prepares for the ID parade.It's just like The Usual Suspects, except that the bloke at the end isn't Kevin Spacey. We get to see each of the blonde weirdos on parade. Is it the scruffy dodgy no 1 bloke? Non. No. 2? Nope. BNP boy no. 3? Not at all. At No. 4 (weasel face, bad dye job turning green under the lights, nasty yellow anorak), she gasps and gets eevil Nick flashbacks. Praise the Lord and pass the handcuffs! Dot's got her faith back. She rushes off to church to tell Jesus about trapped budgies and pride coming before a fall. Jim is happy that he can go back to non-comedy sub-plots and stop trying to act worried.

Vickney slopes off to the bookies to do some plot-filling with Bad Bruvva. She uses her bookmaking ESP to win him a fortune. He meets Shazza in the pub and accidentally grasses Vickney up. Shazza is cross and they have a big family row in the bookies. Just another facet of the colourful East End, eh?

More plot filling with Mr L'Oreal, Juhneen and Bazza. Nat turns up with the sprog and Bazza asks her advice. Nat asks him for a divorce. Bazza is sad and starts throwing mugs about. Juhneen turns her evil powers on full to convince Bazza to sell the car lot in order to spend the cash on fighting for Baby Bazza's soul. Because he's worth it.

Fool displays his wounds to the bar. Sullen comes out of the plot cupboard for a drink, and we all know that she's going to discover Denman at it with Sham or something thus bringing on a major Slater battle. Oh goody.

Backstreet announces that he's decided to stop being a dodgy market trader, and become a dodgy pub landlord instead. Ethel 2.0 is annoying. Slutty knocks Denman back to look after Fool's rather superficial wounds. Denman says: "Curses! Foiled again! Where's the blonde?" and disappears, twirling his moustache.