BRIGHTON CROCK

EE enters the bank holiday spirit with lots of people either going to Brighton, talking about Brighton, failing to go Brighton and so on. Fill, Babs and MiniFill do manage to get to Brighton (off screen). Ethel 2.0 tells a boring story about being in Brighton to witness the opening of the West Pier with her husband or something. Ian is all set to take the Demonic Twins to Brighton, he takes them to the shop and they run into Simpleton. The Twins are pleased but Ian says “don’t talk to the mad lady” and rushes them away. He then discovers that the floor of the chip shop is covered by a thick layer of solidified chip fat. Mmm, I bet that smells nice. He gets a man in who says that all the fryers have been sabotaged and will need repairing. Minty gloats a bit. No trip to Brighton. The Demonic twins are sad and start muttering in eldritch languages from before the dawn of time, so Ian sends them to get a video. They run into Simpers again and play with her for a bit until Ian finds out and has a bratty fit. Boy Twin (who is really obviously trying not to laugh) says to Ian, “I hate you!” Later on Ian goes round to Fill to make him listen all y'all to the sab-o-tage (or however it goes). “Boo hoo, it’s not fair, think of the children etc etc” Fill shuts the door in his face. Later on Fill shows up to chat to Ian but I am on the phone and miss the entire conversation.

Ethel 2.0 tells Fool that if he doesn’t tell Slutty about his Secret Lurve then she will tell her. Later on Ethel has a hilarious cross purposes conversation with Slutty who thinks that Backstreet fancies her. Slutty then has a hilarious cross purposes conversation with Backstreet about how she is too old for him. Oh my sides! They are splitting!

Nat gives the kid to Baz for the day and then lurks around the Square, spying on Juhneeen and having awkward caff meetings with Rickay. She tells Baz to watch out for Juhneen and her evil ways. Baz finds that Juhneen has been working all day (even though it is a bank holiday) and is suspicious. He demotes her back down to assistant. Juhneeen is cross.

Den Jr has another gratuitous shirtless scene. He spends the day avoiding Vickney and hanging around in the betting shop with Bad Bro and Jim. Jim has been given £40 by Dot to buy a birthday present for Moomin’s 18th and Jim has the brilliant idea of converting it to a grand on the ponies so he can buy Sonya a new laptop (though I don’t know why she needs a new one as all she uses it for is writing essays on Word and sending large print emails to “Mel in Portugal”). He loses the money but Dot doesn’t mind because she is an atheist or something. Den Jr and Bad Bro play darts and talk about something but I miss that bit too.