COPS AND SLAPPERS

The morning after: everybody except Moomin naturally assumes that MY Gus, whose only crime before this episode was wearing some extremely nasty hats, is a secret bad man and burglar type. Martin spends the rest of the episode looking shifty and telling Vickney to "cool it". Poline tells Martin to avoid MY Gus because he's a bad lot - another heart attack on its way, I see, Poline.

Gus spends the entire episode in the EE interview room with PC Nasty Bloke and a weedy solicitor. He's the only witness, and he won't grass up his mates, even if PC Nasty sits on him. PC Nasty charges him with burglary.

The Slaters declare war on Denman, who calls them all inbreds (coming from a man living with his half sister and adopted sister that's a bit rich). He decides to go to Greece to manage a taverna and sells the car to Barry - thus giving Barry ample opportunity to act like a total prick. Vickney confesses to her wrongdoing to Denman and he cancels the Greece trip to help Vickney. Bastard. We want her locked up for crimes against the American Accent.

Kat is dressed in Penitent Mourning - black top, black skirt and minimal make-up. Actually she looks quite nice. Shrieking: "I'm fine and I hate all men and that means YOU! Now bugger off and leave me alone!" at all and sundry does no good and she gets the benefit of both Nana Moon's wisdom and Fool's best injured lovesick puppy look. Poor cow. Anyway, Fool fails to declare his love once again, but Kat's looking worried.

Babs' new wig is so awful, that I feel that the only fitting thing to do is to share the horror with you, dear readers. She's horrible about Undercover Kyert and throws out the giant bunny that Kyert gave Mini Fill. Mini Fill misses her chance to throw the world's biggest tantrum - which proves she's the child of Squeaky I suppose.

Fill can't get UKyert out of his mind (well, he's got nothing else to do), so he goes to see Mad Frankie Knuckles. MFK laughs horribly and tells Fill that he knows UKyert is a copper, and he's going to kill her. Duh duh-duh Duh!