DENMAN'S KNICKERED

Well, the Minute Mart deserves to get done over. No locks on the shutters, no alarm...where does it think it is? The Orkneys? Vickney and Martin case the joint really obviously. Then Martin is rude to Gay Pike (again) and says: "Work is for squares. Let's make like a banana and split, Beat Girl..." to Vickney. They go to buy stripey shirts, wee masks and large bags marked "Swag" from Dodgy Dave's Burglary Supplies.

MY Gus and Moomin's powers are useless against Martin's Brando-esque Nihilism. Moomin is sad because if Martin Goes Bad, then Jaymee died for nothing.

NC Poetry sub-plot: Rickay gets ready for his dinner date with the Hard Faced Blonde, who turns out to work in design or something, and easily bored. Until, that is, she discovers MYGus's book of pomes wot he wrote. A couple of lines of Gus's Ode To Moomin (sample: "Good on ya/Good on ya/Sonia"), and she's suddenly in touch with Rickay's sensitive side. They go off to a "club" for two hours, leaving poor Gus with the Ricklet.

Moomin overhears Martin and Vickney being horrible to Gay Pike (again) and decides that they're up to No Good.

Janine moans about fleas and falls asleep on her desk. Bazz knows when he's defeated and gives her the keys to Chez Baz. Nat is cross.

Alfie and Denman express their rivalry through extended staring competitions - about as interesting as watching your hair grow. Shazza discovers a pair of tarty red knickers on the sofa and carries them (no plastic bag or anything - eww) to the Vic where she waves them in Den's face. Den takes a good sniff and hands them to Kat, who says: "They're not mine you bastard!". There is a really good tense silence broken only by Silent Tracey dropping a wine glass. Denman bursts out laughing and Alfie bars him. But only after a really really long stare-out .

MY Gus goes to check up on the Minute Mart, where he finds Martin and Vickney ripping off the Asahi beer cabinet and an entire year's supply of Buckfast and cheap vodka - Ummm...guys...the till? Martin goes: "Oh no! you'll never take me alive, copper!", pushes MY Gus to the floor and runs off with Vickney. Gus is stunned and bleeding. The police arrive, and seeing a young black man standing in a looted shop, nick him.