I'M SCALLIQ. FLY ME
Scalliq is next on the Martina merry-go-round. Martina pretends to be up for an evening of getting drunk in the Vic with DJ Ross and Adull looking on. Mmmm...classy. Apparently if "chicks fly Air Scalliq they don't want to fly anything else again" - which either means they start considering celibacy or lesbianism as a viable lifestyle option, or...it's too vile to contemplate. DJ Ross looks jealous. Adull thinks it's because Scalliq might cop off with Martina, but we all know it's because DJ Ross wants Scalliq all to himself. Martina drinks Scalliq under the table. The other Ferreiraz cheer and carry him home for more boyish antics, no doubt.

PantoJane is all mixed up and conflicted about Ian and Mystery Disabled Man - who appears to be her husband, and suffering from some wasting disease, CJDave, perhaps? So, anyway PJane deflects all talk of nasty things with Ian, who calls her a tease because in Bealemeister World, any woman under the age of 45 who smiles at him must be gagging for it. PJane is sad and goes to CJDave's secure nursing facility to cry over him. Apparently it's their wedding anniversary and they've been married for twelve years, but CJDave barely remembers anything. Poor PJane! Stuck between a terminally ill husband and the Bealemeister.

ODen cooks up a scheme to con Byrite out of lots of cash, and Pat reluctantly takes part because her evil landlord has put up her rent when she's used all her cash to buy new earrings. Byrite says no to a raise: well, she's only been there five minutes. Then Byrite has one of his inexplicable changes of heart, and slips Pat few hundred quid in an envelope. Pat is troubled when ODen's scam nets him lots of money, and Byrite finds out. Byrite implies that Pat's a snivelling loser, but Pat stands up to Byrite and says that she takes her troubles on the chin, and no-one calls her snivelling. Go Go Goddess Pat! Byrite gets his "this old girl's got MOXIE" face on and gives Pat a second chance as long as he can count on her "loyalty". Pat asks about ODen and Byrite just grins "enigmatically" - ie he hasn't got a clue.

The Moomins throw Poline and Gay Pike out for the evening because they want to throw a dinner party with Parma ham and everything for Juley and Gus. Suspend your disbelief,dear reader: I mean, who else can they invite? Denman and Teen? Poline's not so easily fobbed off and manages to ruin everything with her carefully timed requests for tea right in the middle of Moomin's amusing anecdote about the old man and the leaky bedpan. Moomin:cross.