DEN VS DEN
These two hander, ultra talky ones are really boring to recap...

O-Den makes Denman sit down so they can have a quiet chat and a drink, while everyone else in the pub strains to hear what they are saying. O-Den says he is too old and tired for a fight and just wants to hear Denman's side of the story. Denman is relieved and says how much he loves Shazz etc etc. O-Den is also relieved and says that now he doesn't have to pretend to like Denman any more. Ruh roh.

At Shazz's, her and Vickney hang around awkwardly. Shazz is nice to Vickney and in the end Vickney breaks down in tears and apologises for being so annoying. She doesn't, howver, apologise to the viewing public who had to put with her annoyingness much more than Shazza ever did. They hug and bond etc.

O-den says he has been putting on an act and just been pretending to like Denman for the girls' sake, and he thought it was very funny how Denman went all soppy whenever he called him "son". Denman glowers prettily and doesn't believe him at first but then says they were all better off without o-Den anyway. O-Den tells him to leave off Shazza. Denman: "shan't!". O-Den asks what will happen when they split up (Denman: never!) or if Denman loses his rag and hits Shazza (Denman: never ever!) or if Shazza were to discover that Denman moidered Mad Frankie Knuckles way back when. Denman says he will confess all re the murder if O-Den himself.

O-Den says that Denman is a perv and asks if he fancies Vickney too. Denman says that O-Den is a bigger perv for even suggesting that and says that O-den is jealous because he fancies Shazza himself. Denman prepares to go home to his beautiful laydee but O-Den slams him through the doors into the back passage (oo er, missis) where the phone and stairs are. Sham flaps around saying "Stop fighting in MY pub!" shut up, Sham. Denman is about to leave when O-Den says that the reason he is a pervo sister-mister is that he was kiddy-fiddled in the orphanage. Oh no, he has made Denman cry! Bad O-Den!

Shazz and Vickney decide that this is a good moment to go over to the pub and see what is happening.

Denman looks all traumatised while O-Den continues to go on about kiddy-fiddling and how he reckons Denman was glad of the attention. In the end Denman goes into a total "Hulk smash!!!" type rage, yells "Raaargh! Grrrrrrr aaaargh!" and attacks O-Den. In the fracas, Shazz and Vick arrive and try to stop the fight. Denman accidentally clocks shazza in the jaw and knocks her down. Doh! He is roughly subdued by Andy's muscle boys and everyone falls silent and stares at him. Everyone in the pub gets a shocked reaction shot, even Silent Tracey! React Tracey! react as if your life depended on it! O-Den escorts Shazz and Vickney from the pub with a smug gleam to his eye while Denman stands there, a single perfectly formed tear rolling down one cheek. Sham says "Look at the mess in MY pub!" Hey Sham, why don't you stick YOUR pub up YOUR arse and shut up.

At the Watt's House of Greek Tragedy, Shazz just wants to be left alone. Vickney is crying again so O-den says "I just did what you wanted, it's all over between them". Vickney says she just wants everything to be the way it was and runs upstairs. O-Den rolls his eyes.

At the pub, Denman is still standing in stunned silence when lovely Dot takes him home and says he can stay with her that night. Bless, it is like that bit in the bible where Mary Magdalene pulls the thorn out of the samaritan's paw or something. Denman sits in the kitchen and smokes a menthol cigarette, the big gaylord. Dot says they can have a talk in the morning. Denman is sad.