THIS MARKY'S GONE TO HEAVEN
Moomin activates her powers and her expert medical knowledge to find out exactly what Mark died of and when. Somehow, even though he was supposed to be Travelling The World, he managed to kick the bucket in Walford General only minutes before Poline's banshee began to howl. Moomin says that Mark died of something cancerous. Martin goes: "Hunh? But he was HIV positive! And he ate vegetables! How could he die of cancer?" You can see why 'Shell doesn't want to leave Florida, can't you? Martin wants to know why the doctors couldn't find a cure for cancer RIGHT NOW and treat him with their magick powers. That's medical negligence, that is. He continues panicking all over the place, forcing poor Moomin to drive on a motorway about ten minutes after she has passed her test, and being utterly vile. They catch a flat tyre on an unfeasibly snowy hillside in Sussex - or maybe they took the wrong turning at Purley and ended up in the Himalayas. Martin screams and shouts and generally gives poor Moomin a very hard time. Moomin naturally doesn't drive off and leave him stranded halfway up K2 like a normal person, but buys him a cup of coffee and does lots of affirming stuff...and changes a flat tyre too. Mug.

Meanwhile, back at Stalag-Pontins, a whole night's "talking" with Rob has reminded Gay Pike why he could never love a man who looks and sounds like Peter Mandelson. Rob tries to persuade Gay Pike to stick around so they can tour the lovely town of Hartlepool together and catch up with each other. Gay Pike decides that Hartlepool is infinitely better than being Poline's bitch and says yes.

Jim wakes up in a fairground ride and does his comedy hangover. Dot discovers TriniDad has been sleeping next to her. Yolande wakes alone (she probably threatened to walk out if they made her sleep with Jim). She goes over to Dot's cell, where TriniDad is hotfooting it out of the window, right in front of Jim. It degenerates from there into something that makes a Whitehall farce look like Beckett. To cut a long story short. Jim and TriniDad fight like old blokes. Dot and Yolande purse their lips. Moomin walks in on the whole thing like a lost vicar and looks shocked.

Martin finds Poline, who has been pacing the room restlessly since the banshee started howling. She's expecting Gay Pike and Mandy to announce their deep deep love for each other, but instead she gets pale, trembling Martin. Martin tells her about Mark and once again Wendy Richard does an impressive job. She lets slip that she knew that Mark was going to die anyway, but Martin didn't know this apparently. Martin: confused. And sad. And angry.