FALL OF THE HOUSE OF SIMPLETON
Simpers is sad because she has run out of teething gel, even though the Simplet looks perfectly fine to me. (Note to scriptwriters: that baby is NOT teething. Your sound people would by now be deaf if he was). Simpleton can't afford to buy any more gel because Evil Juhneen grassed her up to the Dole Narks, and they've taken all her money as punishment or something. Pat offers her a tenner. Simplet thinks: "Oooh! Calpol token!" and grabs it before Simpleton can protest.

Actually the Simplet is growing into quite a cute kid. Not as cute as mine of course, but...

Most of this episode could be sub-titled A Simpleton's Progress. Simpleton whines about having no money, then applies for a job at the Kwik E Mart. Mr Kwik E Mart is very stressed and gives her the job after a cursory interview that appears to be "What's your name? When can you start?". Simplet gets dumped with St Dot while Simpers goes in search of a childminder. How on earth is she going to pay for a childminder on Kwik E Mart money? While she's away, Juhneen, wearing a brand new Scarlet Woman-type coat and super-processed hair, tells Mr Kwik E Mart that Laura's nothing more than psycho cheating dole scum. Mr Kwik E Mart panics and gives the job to Rain Man Charlie instead. Simpers finds out and is cross.

Sullen blames AGarry for Sham sacking Rain Man Charlie. Then Rain Man gets the Kwik E Mart job, and Sullen apologises. Why oh why is she still hobbling around on crutches? And she must be nearly six months gone by now, so where's the bump? Wearing slightly too small shirts to expose a bit of a pie belly is not enough.

O-Den disappears for a "business lunch", which is really an assignation with his doxy of the moment. The Wattseses run the club for a day and everything goes wrong. Ummm...didn't Shazza manage perfectly well before O-Den came back? But they all pull together as a Weird Family, and the burst water main gets fixed. There is a bunch of other buildery-type problems, but even O-Den menacing the Butch Cassidy Building Co fails to excite my interest.

Byrite tries to "persuade" Billy (yay!) to move out of Casa Mitchell. Billy is unintimidated, naturally. Andy, just give up gangstering and do something a little more suited to your abilities, mate. Like crochet. Araminta and Sham are "awkward" around each other. Sham decides to solve AGarry's staffing problem by appointing Araminta as garage manager. What this girl doesn't know about people management...

Juhneen is getting very friendly with this "Business Associate" of Ian's, and they're meeting up at her place to sign a contract. They meet, she does that horrible simpering that passes for flirting, sign a contract, and then she drives off in her scarlet sports car. Business Associate (whose name is Michael) looks like he's in there. On her way back from wherever she's been Juhneen aquaplanes through a handy puddle and soaks Simpleton. Simpleton is very cross and wet. Juhneen mocks her soaked state and gets all Tebbit on her ass. Simpers attacks Juhneen, who uses her ho survival skills to knock Simpleton into a handy roadwork ditch. This sets off the Simplet, and Simpers is crying too. Oh Juhneen, I will miss you so.