GIMME GIMME GIMME A MANDY AFTER MIDNIGHT
Pike and Mandy show up at Poline's cell and Mandy runs off sharpish when he realises that there is a bad family trip going down. In the manner of teenagers all over the world, Martin makes Mark's death all about him. Like, "You knew he was going to die and you didn't tell me! That's, like so unfair Mum!" He whinges on for hours about how Poline wishes he was dead instead of Mark and that Poline thinks he fucks up all the time. He does an impression of Poline, saying "Go to your room, Martin! Shut up, Martin!" Yes, why don't you shut up, Martin? Poline asks if he wanted to find out about Mark's health before or after he was sent to prison and then went on a 1950's crime rampage. Pike tells him to calm down and Martin tells him to fuck off and keep out of proper Fowler family business. In the end Martin runs away and Pike goes off to find him.

Having realised that DYING IS SAD, Jim tells Sonia how proud he is of her and her career etc. Bless.

Yolande tells Trini-dad off for not knowing any of the "Mister and missis" answers about her and says she knows lots of boring trivia about Trini-dad because she lurves him proper. She goes off to get a coffee. Trini-dad is sad.

Martin is walking on a beach like the teen rebel that he is. Not. Pike drives up behind him, making me wonder if they have had Martin electronically tagged so they can track his movements. Pike tells him to chill his boots and go back to be with Poline. Martin acts all arsey and continues with the "you're not my gay dad!" business. He shouts at Pike and then bitch slaps him. Yikes. He taunts Pike to do something to stop him so Pike punches Martin in the stomach. Excellent! - I love Pike and will never say anything mean about him ever again. Possibly. Martin squeals "I'll kill you!" but Pike tells him it is OK to be angry. Martin cries and Pike hugs him. At some point they have a discussion where Pike explains that sometimes people tell lies to spare people's feelings - which Martin thinks is bad and wrong, but I have got the chronology all mixed up...

Martin goes and sits with Poline. Poline is v sad and reminisces about Mark. She tells Martin that he was never the "wrong son" but that she can't bear to have outlived one of her kids. Good work from Wendy Richards there.

Pike goes to see Mandy and says he has to go back to Walford with Poline. Mandy understands and doesn't try to make Pike stay. They chalk it down as a holiday romance and say goodbye (without even hugging or kissing. Whatever). Farewell Mandy, you came and you gave without taking. Or something.

Trini-dad tracks down to Yolande to a crappy looking cafe and wants to talk to her. She acts all disdainful until Trini-dad reels off the answers to the Mister and missis questions and thus proves that he lurves her proper. All the people in the caff clap cornily as Trini-dad proposes and Yolande accepts. That was relatively painless compared to the 100 years it took for Fool to propose to Slutty. Later on Trini-dad asks Jim to be his best man.

Martin thanks Moomin for being a good friend and putting up with his egregious behaviour, then him, Pike and Poline drive home. I guess they are taking Moomin's car and Moomin is going to drive the big people carrier? Is she up for that? Is the insurance all valid? I am thinking about this too much.

Final lame subplot resolution. Dot reminisces about celebrating Mark being born and says she just sat in the corner and she wishes she had made a bigger deal of it. They are in the peach ruched ball room and Dot is wearing a coat buttoned up to the neck so I think we can all guess what is going to happen. She says she has learnt her very own "DYING IS SAD" lesson and never wants to be repressed again. She melodramatically rips off her coat and of course she is wearing the vile pink dress. It is horrid and makes Dot look like she has man-hands. They dance and when Jim compliments Dot she actually returns the compliment instead of moaning at him.

I wonder if anything will ever result from Poline dancing with that bloke?

The Fowlers get home and Martin goes out to get some milk. A few "Martin is sad while life goes on" shots. Pat appears and light heartedly berates Martin for not opening the stall. Martin says that Mark is dead and Pat kind of twitches and then asks what she can do. Ha ha. Pat is a goddess but that was the lamest reaction ever. Pat says she will spread the word and also stop people from hassling Poline for the time being.

When Martin gets home he tells a white lie that Mark left a message saying he loved his mum. Pike nods approvingly, all gay jedi master. Poline is touched.

Ok, that was actually quite touching and sad. They still shouldn't make Martin do proper acting though, it isn't fair on him or us. Everyone else was pretty good though.

Also, on a frequently played new eastenders promo, Andy rhetorically asks if Slutty is "cheap". Not as cheap as your nasty suits, mate....