SPAZUALTY
Gay Pike has had a haircut. Also he gets a job interview for the community centre. Poline is all "big fucking deal" so Pike wonders who pissed in her chips and made her even more miserable than usual. It turns out that it is Mark's birthday and she was hoping to hear from him but hasn't. Later on a special delivery letter arrives from Mark but we don't find out what it is (i am guessing it is not good news though...)

Charlie goes off to his Cabbie Council appeal with Mo and Sullen trailing after him shrieking like furies. He doesn't think it goes well.

Billy gets a self help book to convince himself that he is not a sad lonely loser (but ya are, Blanche! aren't ya!). He talks to Fool about it. At length.

Wow, this episode is really shit.

It turns out that Ethel 2.0 has been released from Stalag Von Cromer and is home the next day. The house is a shit hole and the Moons bicker about who is doing the housework. Slutty is an idle slattern and refuses to do any washing up. She cooks lunch for Fool but then has a bratty fit when he can't come up to eat it because he is busy talking to boring losers (Billy, Pike, Charlie) at work. Fool and Slutty bawl charmlessly at each other. Backstreet is wearing the exact same gay boyband looking black vest that Scalliq is wearing. Does someone have shares in a black vest factory or something?

Shazza and Denman discover that Byrite Andy wants to buy the club. Denman has a bratty fit and says he will only think about accepting asking price and leaves when Andy offers the asking price. Shazza tells him not to be such a denmaniac and that it is her club to sell. Meanwhile Andy phones the estate agent, no doubt to employ the menacing gangsta skills that made him the laughing stock of all Ilford.

Juhneen camps on Gus' doorstep and bangs the letter box and shouts "Rickayyyyy!" non stop for hours. In the end he lets her in and her and Rickay have a retread of Friday's conversation. In the end Juhneen makes him promise not to grass her up to the cops and Rickay says "Fine, but I never want to see you again." Juhneenagrees, cries and runs away and then later is mean to Bad Brutha and threatens him with Bad Consequences if he crosses her again.

Nat and Pat have a false-nostalgia session about how luvverly Barry was. Completely forgetting that Nat cheated on him because he was so repulsive and that Baz chased Pat with a chainsaw and conned her out of her house. Apparently Jack is all disturbed and acting up now that Baz is dead. Rickay asks Nat to run away with him and to make up a new pretend family with them and their two kids. Nat says she doesn't want to mess up Jack's routine any more and says no way.

DJ Ross is still hooked up to loads of Apple Macs and Gamecubes and shit. There is an emergency when one of his special tubes gets blocked or something. Mickey shows up and talks bollocks in a vain attempt to cheer everyone up. All the Ferriera Kidz are tested for kidney love match possibility. To the surprise of no-one who has ever watched television before, they all fail. Mickey glares accusingly at Scalliq and Scalliq looks shifty.