RELOCATION, RELOCATION, RELOCATION
I was on the phone for half of this so this recap may be a bit sketchy. Also Eastenders is so crap at the moment that it is hard to summon up enthusiasm.

Anyway.

After his half assed pub stool chat, Charlie decides to sell his cab for one thousand whole pounds. A daughter asks if that is a fair price and Chazzer says that he is the fairest man in Faironia, even though he doesn't live in Faironia anymore and has apparently relocated to Cheatsville. Charlie turns down a bid for £750 and says that there is a difference between between being fair and being fucking stupid. Note that he doesn't actually say that he isn't fucking stupid. A nice young man shows up and spins a sob story about being newly married, about to have a kid, about to pass the Knowledge, unable to afford a grand etc etc, so Charlie identifies him as another citizen of Faironia and sells him the cab for £700. Mug.

Fool keeps going on at Slutty to do the washing up but she refuses. Who does she think she is? She is using the goddamn dishes isn't she? Grrrr. (whoah, shared house flashback there...) When Ethel 2.0 gets home it turns out that the kitchen is spotless. Backstreet did the washing up but Fool thinks it was Slutty. So unfair.

More tiresome kidney nonsense. Scalliq and Mickey get a doctor to explain in words of one syllable that it would be quite handy if another relative showed up who might share DJ Ross' mutant freak physiology. Scalliq still says he can't do it. for no good reason. Kareena is starting to get scary; muttering about killing random strangers for their kidneys/buying one off the internet, so Mickey tells her that Scalliq is her half bro. Kareena screams and runs off to gargle with bleach.

Teen can't afford to live at the flat now she is contributing all her spare cash to defend idiot Charlie from his idiotic actions. Slutty suggest she moves into the Vic with them. (does this mean "Teen + Backstreet" because: ewwww). Teen feels bad about leaving Kellay in the lurch but Kellay says that she likes having her own flat and that Teen can fuck off if she likes and that she will find a new flatmate. Good for you, Kell.

Rickay gets ready to leave Walford forever. Well meaning Gus tries to patch things up between Juhneen and Rickay but Rickay is having none of it. Juhneen picks up Liam from playgroup and has a bizarre conversation about whether football is better than presents. Rickay finds out, snatches him away and says that if she goes near his kid again then he will grass her up to the cops. Juhneen says that now she knows the difference between football and presents and therefore it is OK that she is a murderer. Rickay stomps off. He says bye to Pat but still makes excuses for Juhneen and doesn't mention the murdering. Pat lurks around the car lot to give Juhneen a smug lecture about how she will end up lonely and bitter. Juhneen is all "whatever, bitch" but then Pat points out that Rickay is about to drive off so Juhneen tries to stop him and fails, after much wailing and offering of all Baz' worldly possessions etc. Buh bye Rickay, does this mean you are going to release another shit reggae record? Juhneen is crying in the street when Pat glides past and says "Goodnight Juhneen" in a really sarcastic voice. Goddess.