ADULL'S DONE RON WRONG
It's DJ Ross's 21st birthday. He's moping in his bed, feeling sorry for himself, when the Kidz (and Scalliq - the Scrappy Doo of the Ferreira Scooby Gang) appear like magic with some kicking deckx and a silver-coloured plastic key of the kind that mad grannies buy in bulk for when their grandchildren reach 21. The key's from Adull, and there's some slightly odd bollocks about DJ Ross having the "key", but still looking for the "door". Mmmm....DEEP. Adull resumes the cat's arse expression when Scalliq starts joking about "Dad"(vis), and runs off to manage his failing clothes stall.

Vickney surveys the debris of her broken dreams and decides to deconstruct Shazza's special dress from Denman. The phone rings, and we hear Shazza and Denman leaving a giggly message about how they haven't had a chance to see much yet (yeah, I bet you haven't), but Tenerife looks really nice. Adull hassles Vickney about the sweatshirts, and Vickney throws a teen muppet stroppette. She takes the Sweatshirt money, and tries to get Backstreet to serve her a vodka. He refuses, so she strops to the back of the pub and leaves 20 squids in exchange for a stolen bottle of "Russkey" vodka - from Russ Abbot's personal supply, no doubt. Now, I don't drink vodka, but I'm sure even a bottle of best quaity Stolly costs less than that...

The Unconvincing Urchin cooks breakfast for TriniDad and Yolande, who are bowled over by his chirpy charms. Bad Brutha isn't, and glares at him suspiciously. Juhneen, wearing the Black Leather Jacket of Doom, sees BB and Nat organising another "date", and bustles over to taunt BB about how it's evil and wrong for somebody as wicked as him to date Lovely Natalie and take on the twisted Offspring of Baz as well. BB looks sad and cancels the date because one hacky look from Juhneen still withers his spine.

Billy gets an oil stain on his wedding suit. He delivers some "packages" for Byrite in Byrite's posh car, and Byrite gives him some cash to get a new bespoke suit. Sham is looking at the "books" for the caff, trying to work out why, when it's nearly full most days, it's still not making any money - look just tell Dot, Nat, and Moomin that they can't sit there for hours, nursing a cup of stewed, cold tea and discussing Life with other EE types. Oh no, Byrite tells her to sell the caff, and Sham's mouth twitches approvingly.

Scalliq discovers that Adull is so wet, he can't even get 50 quid back off Vickney. Yodelling "Scrappy Dappy Doo!", he swings into action and finds Vickney sipping Vodka by the Swings of Contemplation. Judging by the state of the bottle, she has managed to drink a thimbleful, and she's pissed and shouting at passing old ladies already. What is it with young people of today? So, Scalliq demands the money back. She throws it at him and tells him that none of the Ferreiras really love him - they just want his healthy, pulsing kidney and then they'll throw him on the scrapheap of life. Scalliq skips back to the Ferreiras and presents Adull with the cash.

Adull storms out and finds Vickney wandering the streets, nearly-full bottle in hand. She overacts badly and shouts a lot about how crap siblings are, pretending that they love you and then snogging each other behind your back.Then for some reason she decides to climb the scaffolding (haven't they taken that down since Nick Cotton's incident with Mark that almost made Mark interesting? tsk!), while Adull bleats ineffectually down below. Anyway a train comes along while Vickney is dancing on the tracks, fails to run her over (damn you!), and Vickney gets scared. It's down to Ash to run to the rescue, which he does. And Vickney snogs him. I've said it before and I'll say it again. Jesus. Wept. What the fuck is going on here? This crap is making Eldorado look like Pinter.