CHARLIE GOES DOWN
Christ Almighty, I actually watched this one and...tsk...oh dear

Charlie packs his bag in readiness for a stint at HMP Lakeland Plastics watched by Mo and Sullen, who keep telling him to apologise for his stupidity and everything will be OK. Slutty has a moment of blinding revelation (well, more like a second of it), and accuses him of trying to make up for the Boon rape --> Teen's birth --> years of misery incident. Charlie says: "No no no...I'm doing it to protect my gels and he's scum yadda yadda". Later in the courthouse, Charlie's lawyer mentions that the magistrates are former residents of Daily Mail Island, and will probably look kindly on cases like his. Mo asks what all this faaancy legal mumbo jumbo about cases and magistrates is about. Umm...you're in a court, Mo. That's how people talk in courts. All is going well, until the Slaters notice that Eeeevil Rapist Graham is smirking at them from the other end of the public gallery. Charlie starts shouting the odds about not finishing the job off properly, and he's not sorry for protecting his gels, so down he goes for three months.

Two Slaters down...four to go...

Meanwhile, at the hospital, Kareena is still trying to bleach Scalliq from her brain, but Scalliq turns out to have the right tissue and blood group match. Who'd have thought that would happen, eh? I thought Ash and Adull might be standing by with a rusty knife and a carrier bag, but the hospital boringly insists on finding a doctor to remove Scalliq's kidney for him.

Shazza and Denman argue about the club, and why Shazz shouldn't sell to Byrite Andy. Shazza calls Byrite in for a secret meeting. Byrite offers her £20k less than the asking price, and Shazz accepts, even though he's desperate to buy the place for Barbie Gangsta Sham.

Moomin sees MMartin leer over a really nasty stripey top that is basically three ribbons tied together. She buys the top, realises just in time that she looks like a middle-aged Soviet shotputter reduced to turning tricks on the Odessa Steps, and returns it. Oh, we're not going to have Moomin with body image problems now, are we?

Bad Brutha is sober (for once), and bumps into Nat and the Bazlet by Loser's Bench. He offers to collect Bazlet from the creche - I thought you had to give the creche staff a list of named people for that kind of thing? While BB is playing rather self-consciously with Bazlet, Juhneen appears in full Black Widow getup to taunt him. Later on, BB shows Bazlet the Watch of Doom, and offers to keep it safe for him. I am reminded of Christopher Walken in Pulp Fiction at this point, but unfortunately we don't get to see where BB will keep the watch.

Oh look, it's the return of the NC sub-plot. Gus and Kellay are both looking for flatmates. Gus doesn't want to share with a girl, but Kellay reminds him that he's a big soft poofy poetry-loving girly type anyway, so there shouldn't be any problem there. Kellay says: "Why don't we move into my place?" Gus says: "No, my place." There is much jokey comparison of both flats (Gus's wins hands down imho), but Kellay finally beats Gus at darts and he has to move into Primary Colour Hell with Wellard. Oh my sides.