CHARLIE IN CHAINS
Gay Pike is still having trouble getting a liquor license for the Ball, but then it turns out that Officious Baldy Bloke can get a license dead easy whenever he wants or something. So that's alright then. Kellay and Teen arrange to go with Gus and Backstreet as their respective dates. Juley is trying pitifully to woo Shazza. Moomin gets her non-skank dress (with no mention of where the money came from) but still doesn't feel pretty when she puts it on. Martin says she looks great all the time but Moomin isn't convinced. She lies and says she has to work when the Ball is on. Does that mean Dot held up the post office for nothing?

Sham and Byrite Andy discuss the slendour that will be the new, improved, super deluxe snookerall/Angies Den combo. Shazza is all set to sign away the club when she spots Sham's name buried amongst the legalese. She makes a huffy face, flounces around a bit, pretends that she is going to sign and writes "screw you bastards" on the signature line and storms off. She tells Denman that she is going to discuss the matter with O-Den. Finally.

Arrange the following words to create a familiar Eastenders scene: Bad Brutha. Nat. Jack. Babysitting. Juhneen. Spiteful.

Some Slaters go to visit Charlie in prison. He seems to be having a nice time, actually, even though he has to wear these really gay looking reins over his jumper, like they make toddlers wear so they can stop them running off. He seems to be very popular with the other inmates but I dread to think why. Mo spots some fat beardy crim friend in the visiting room and they have a nice chat.

Scalliq sits at home, savouring the feeling of having two kidneys and listening to the Streets. How very two years ago. Kareena hears that DJ Ross has finally woken up. Meanwhile Adull is still being a spiteful wee bitch. Kareena asks if he would ever give up a kidney for Scalliq and Adull makes a pissy face. Kareena and Scalliq arrange that she will see Ross first and then Scalliq can go once they have explained the whole stupid plot to him. Of course it all goes wrong and Scalliq arrives first. Ross is all confused and doesn't like being a system addict, hooked to a machine (as Five Star prophetically sang, so many years ago). We have to sit through of hours of Scalliq explaining the whole thing to Ross. Oh give me strength. At this rate they are going to make us watch them explain it all to Dadvis and Maddhur over several weeks too. Anyway, Ross is pissed off and throws Scalliq out. When the other kids arrive Ross moans about Scalliq and asks whose kidney he is getting. They tell him it is Scalliq's - duh - and he makes a gurny face.