THE FALL OF THE HOUSE OF EVANS PART II: ELECTRIC BAZALOO
Yikes, sorry this is so late. I have been super busy the last few days. Also when I did watch EE it was in a room ful of people who were all chatting etc so I probably missed out something really important. Oh well. Also I am going to do Thursday and Fri all in one go...

Anyway. Baz is all happy happy joy joy now that he thinks he isn't going to die and that he can paw Juhneeen for the rest of his life. He skips around giving her pressed flowers and carving "B4J4EVA" on local trees. Juhneen (who is wearing a Scarlet coat over a Scarlet blouse - what could it all mean?) has lots of huddled conferences with Bad Brutha who says he doesn't want her now she has married Baz, but then he changes his mind or something. I don't know. They try to set Baz up with some man-eating wench who is lurking round the bar licking her lips, so they can give Juhneen an excuse to divorce him. Baz says no and then gives BB a watch so that he feels extra guilty later on. Baz takes Juhneen out for a walk along the top of a cliff (well, it's a steep hill, actually) and is wittering on when Juhneen suddenly snaps and shouts at him to shut his fat frigging cakehole and that, no she doesn't love him and that she is heartless scheming ultravixen that everyone says she is. Baz's fat little face falls like a lard souffle and after a few vain protestations says that he doesn't care and can she still live with him - she doesn't even have to pretend to love him or shag him ever. So pitiful. He clutches at her pathetically and she pushes him away and yes, it's Baz versus Mr Gravity and Mr Gravity wins. Hurray! He rolls down the steep hill and comes to rest against a big lump of rock. Juhneen trots down the hill to see what is going on and Baz whimpers for her to help him for li'l Jack's sake. Instead, Juhneen sits on a grassy tussock and watches him die. Harsh. Still I can't deny that I hate Barry (sorry, Hated him - past tense, tee hee) and am not sorry to see him go.

Meanwhile the Teen muppets all go off into little groups so they can explore their issues. Oh good. Basically, Wellard and Heroic Saint MY Gus go off on their own. Martina nd sonia wander off and snog each other for some reason (people in the room, talking, remember), Kellay tries the old "I was there! It was special! This won't just go away! You're my wife now Dave!" routine on Teen. Teen says "Can we discuss this when i'm not, like, dying of hypothermia with my left foot half falling off. Thanks!" Kellay also finds some matches and fireworks and makes a fire. Vickney and Backstreet are nice to each other. Scalliq, Kareena, Mickey and DJ Ross all go tot the little hut place and shout at each other. DJ Ross squeals at Scalliq for ruining everything and wishes he would just sod off. Scalliq cries that he loves dJ Ross so DJR hits him and runs into the hut with Kareena. Mickey thinks that Scalliq fancies DJ Ross but actually it turns out that Scalliq's mum is a woman of easy virtue and poor taste in en who once shagged a wooden-acting, Elvis impersonator. Yes, Scalliq is DJ Ross' half brother! That is such bollocks. I am going to ignore it and pretend that Scalliq is still gay for the Rosster.

Meanwhile, Juhneen starts freaking out a bit. She undoes Baz' shoelace and puts a flower in his hand and then goes back to the hotel and pretends she was there all day. She is acting all wierd but no-one notices. When it is obvious that Baz is missing, BB, Juhneen and Random Scottish Geezer go out to look for him. Juhneen suggests they split up and that she look at a piece of flat grass and they look at the Jaggedy Steep Cliffs of Doom. Of course, the blokes find the body and BB freaks out and makes Scottish Geezer get help. He sees Juhneen and says "Och, ye dinnae want to go that way, lassy." Juhneen ignores him, sees the body and starts crying.

Scalliq begs Mickey not to tell his Dark Non-Gay Secret as the Ferrieras are all he's got and he doesn't want to lose them. Mickey suddenly remembers that Scalliq used to date his half sister Kareena and is all grossed out. Scalliq says "I never shagged her though, it just got a bit out of hand and all..." Mickey runs off and dumps Kareena instantly. Kareena doesn't mind as she says she still has feelings for Scalliq. Mickey runs off to bathe himself in bleach. What else, Sonia and Martin decide to go out together blah blah. Teen slips into unconsciousness (or maybe she is just pretending so she doesn't have to listen to Kellay). Meanwhile Gus and Wellard find a broken phone. Gus manages to fix it with his bare hands a nd call briefly for help before the phone breaks again. He can't tell the operator where he is but everyone knows that they can trace calls from land lines anyway.

Jesus, this is lasting forever. Anyway, Juhneen has a brief interview with the police where she acts the part of the grieving widow and then returns to the hotel. Bad Brutha comes into the hotel room and starts shouting that it was all very well for them to rip off Barry's money and ruin his life but killing is not cool, m'kay. Juhneen tells him off for shouting suspicious things when poeople could hear but they both carry on shouting on anyway. Long story short: BB decides that he liked Baz after all and now wants nothing to do with Juhneen as she has "crossed a line". He fucks off in a cab and leaves her looking out of a window all trembly jawed.

Meanwhile all the Teen Muppets apart from Gus and Wellard convene at the bus. Martin wants them to to all go to the cabin but Backstreet says they should all stay at the bus in case Gus gets help. Jeuses, why don't some of them gotot the cabin and a couple stay behind to give directions? it all turns into a big personality test for Backstreet and he persuades everyone to continue dying of hypothermia with Vickney's help. Suddenly Gus and Wellard appear with about 15 ambulances in tow. Hurrah! They are saved and no-one else died apart from Baz - what a con. As soon as Teen is in the ambulance she is instantly cured of hypothermia and is no longer on the brink of death, by the way.