BURNING DOWN THE HOUSE
Shazza and Vickney return to the Square in a cab. Vickney has also been attacked by the Red Felt Tip Pen of Hurtiness. Mickey is standing outside her house looking forlorn for some reason. Once they get her in, Shazz and Denman give her the third degree about what she was doing at the club. Vickney says she had forgotten her phone. So lame. Shazza asks if she was smoking and throwing petrol around whilst looking for her phone. Vickney says not. shazza leaves and Denman asks her about the dodgy booze so Vickney confesses all.

Over at Camp Mitchell, Sham is wracked with guilt at almost killing Vickney. Mince says she has to be strong etc. Billy is also wracked with guilt, especially as everyone is saying he is a brave hero. Sham makes him take some flowers round to Vickney. He does so and they all stand round awkwardly. Later on the cops arrive and question the Wattseses. It turns out that the dodgy liquor didn't burn very well so Vickney admits that she bought it "for a party". The coppers basically think that Shazza torched the place for the insurance. Shazza is sad.

Bad Brutha is back. He is still sad etc about Baz and says that TriniDad can't discuss it with him. Juhneen makes him sign a bit of paper about the joint account they set up and then gives him loads of money out of the account. Bad Brutha takes it reluctantly. Meanwhile Juhneen expects Rickey to start working for her straight away. Two words Juhneen: "Notice" "period". Rickay says he will phone Sham to give his notice, but when he does, Sham is too wracked with guilt to answer the phone so she gets the bad news from Juhneen instead, makes spiteful faces and rushes over to the arches to sack Rickay. Juhneen lets Rickay sell cars straight away and he immediately spots a pretty lady customer and makes a "how're you doin'?" Joey from Friends type face.

Martin has bought a cheap biro as a present for Moomin's first day at Nursing College but he can't give it to her as Dot is chaperoning her to the bus stop for some reason. They arrange to meet at the Vic but then it turns out that Dot and Poline are going to be there as well. Moomin is late so Dot and Poline start going on about Sonia is too good for the likes of them these days. Jesus, she is going to college with nursing students, not the frigging Dalai Lama. when Moomin shows up, Martin gives her the pen and says he doesn't know why their Love has to be a Secret Love. If it was good enough for Doris Day then it's good enough for you, sonny. Moomin snogs him right there in the pub and Dot makes a sour face.

Charlie gets a letter from the Cabbie Council (is that like the Jedi Council?) saying that they are going to review his license on account of him being a big thug and all. When Drippy finds out about Billy's heroic actions she goes to congratulate him but he tells her to fuck off. Drippy: sad.

Fool and Slutty argue about them sheltering Byrite Andy. Slutty says she has to be nice to him after ditching his sorry ass at the altar. It turns out that the other gangsters thought he was rubbish too and gave him his P45. Wrapped round a large brick. Backstreet picks up on the tension and goes to shout at Andy for trying to come between Slutty and Fool. I'm sorry Backstreet, but you are striking fear into no-one with that gay H&M style ensemble you are wearing.

Denman runs into Mickey and roughs him up a bit so that Mickey never involves Vickney in his dodgy scams again. Mickey is wearing shit loads of foundation - maybe he is really spotty in real life or something. Denman begins to suspect that Sham might have arranged the fire. Him and Shazza run into Sham and Mince in the street and mention the word "Arson" - Sham makes loads of mentalist faces and says "I couldn't have committed arson, me and Minty were at the restaurant so we would have an alibi!" Dear Sham, never ever ever play poker. Yours sincerely, everyone. Shazza and Denman are discussing the whole thing back at their flat when Kyert appears for no reason and says that she knows that the snooker hall was losing money and that Fill wanted to get rid of it. Shazza makes lots of wobbly jaw type faces so Denman asks what she is going to do. Shazza says "If Sham wants to play with matches then she's going to get burnt." and then phones the cops...