DENMAGNUM FORCE
Billy tells the Slaters where Drippy has gone and they all tear their hair out/gnash their teeth etc etc. In addition Charlie gets a letter from the Cabbie Council saying that he has to hand in his badge and his gun (OK, just his badge). They all mope around a bit and then decide that tomorrow is another day/to give Drippy a Reason to Return/to get their shit together - they will raise money to fight Charlie's legal battle and so on. Charlie gets a (badly paid) job driving a car for Juhneen. Teen reduces prices at her stall to raise more cash and Mo buys some knocked off fags from Mickey Finhead - it turns out that they are Russian ones that are probably made out of grass and old newspaper. Mickey squeals "Caveat Emptor, innit!" Mo bellows "I don't even speak Russian!" and Mickey scampers off before she can batter him with a rolling pin. Comedy gold.

Dot whines to Poline about Sonia and Martin fornicating all the time. Poline finds out the facts and then tells Martin she doesn't mind as long as it doesn't intefere with sonia's studies and that they can do it at her house whenever they want. wow - Poline being a reasonable parent. The end times truly are a-coming.

Juhneen turns on the waterworks to convince Rickay to move into her house. she hugs Liam and says "I'm your new mummy now!" Okayyyyy.

Scalliq prints up some flyers saying "Bhangra Night - DJ-ed by the handsome-ist, most sexy DJ Ross evah!!" but Ross still rejects him. Kareena (who is back from Maddhur's house) tells him to give him a chance and says she is going to play the long game to get Scalliq back. Ross finds Scalliq - tears staining his pitiful flyers - and agrees to DJ. Scalliq is happy etc but is probably thinking "shit, now I actually have to book a club"

Denman and Shazz have lots of terse conversations about the Sham Situation while Vickney mopes around saying "what's going on?". Shazza goes to see the insurance blokey but he still won't pay, however low Shazza makes her voice sound. Meanwhile that bitch Sham gets her insurance payout easy peasy. Oh the injustice! Shazza goes into Girl Detective mode and browbeats Bill into not denying that he didn't burn the club down. It's not what I would call "beyond reasonable doubt" but it's enough for shazza. She confronts Sham and says that if Sham pays for the refurb of the club then shazza won't take it any further. Sham makes loads of scared faces and then says she doesn't know what Shazza is talking about and strops off to scream at Billy for being weak. I think that sham'n'shaz should solve their conflict in time honoured soap opera fashion - a catfight in a swimming pool whilst wearing glamorous evening wear. Come on, you know it makes sense! Denman decides to put more pressure on and pops round the arches, starts fondling various containers of flammable substances, playing with matches etc and talking about how awful it would be if Sham's entire pitiful "business empire" burnt down too. sham mutters "you wouldn't dare" and then strops off to scream at Billy and Mince to increase security. Noting the low quality of her minions, she goes to see byrite Andy and begs him to help her in return for letting him doss at the Vic. He says no. Sham strops off (which she does a lot in this episode) and finds Denman confronting Mince and Billy - Denman bitch-slaps Minty into submission immediately and is ranting at Sham and Billy when Andy suddenly appears and tells him to back off or else. Or else what? You'll make him attend an anger management course? I suppose Andy does know that Denman capped old Mad Frankie Knuckles a while back. Denman slinks off and Sham and Andy run into the back room, make arch comments about how they make a great team and then start snogging each other - careful Sham, you'll lick his "bruises" off at that rate....