IT'LL ALL END IN TEARS (OR A BIG EXPLOSION)
The sole saving grace of this summer's EE is that we haven't had a contrived "Summer Holiday" sequence involving the Teen Muppet contingent. But then, it's only August.

Jim's Special Brew days are numbered Pt 2: Dot gives Jim a book of Walford Walks for his birthday (a hefty tome, I'm sure). Poline and Moomin's cunning plan seems to involve Poline pretending to be ill and selectively losing her memory when it comes to doing the job that she's been doing since 1984. Dot isn't impressed. Then Mr Popodopolous rings up and makes Dot the manageress of the launderette - isn't that Poline's job. Well, Poline doesn't seem all that bothered. So that's that. Dot's back at the launderette and Jim can watch 1980s lady wrestling to his heart's content. Hoo-bloody-ray. Next!

Nat returns on some dodgy pretext, looking for Baz. Bad Brutha heads her off at the cafe and talks really obviously about shattered trust and why people who have split up should never ever ever get back together again because it's a really bad idea. Nat is sad. Then Pat buttonholes her on the way out and gets her to go on a girlie night out with Simpers and Pat. But...but Juhneen has organised a sesh with Baz and she's dusting her cleavage with dazzle powder as we speak!

Kareena: "Dad. Tell your new girlfriend about Mum still being alive." Dadvis: "Shan't". Kareena: "Adull. Tell Dad about Sasha being a 'ho and you being a big gimpoid". Adull: "Shan't". Kareena is sad.

Dadvis takes Shirley the new girlf out to the EE posh restaurant. They ignore a wildly overacting poncey waiter and Shirley confesses that her husband left her for his mini-skirted secretary, with whom she couldn't compete (Mr P muttered something about Cliche Central at this point). Seconds later, they arrive chez Dadvis and assorted Ferreira offspring scatter like stampeding wildebeest at the sight of their father. Cute lecturer bloke pauses to make snide comments about Dadvis's "surprise". It's a record of him singing Elvis songs badly. Shirley kisses Dadvis and Kareena, who is spying on them, makes "Ewwww! Parent Sex!" faces. Aren't you a bit old for that kind of malarkey, young lady?

Oh yeah, Kareena invites Teen to the wedding as "moral support". Teen says she'll go, but don't tell Kellay. Even Slutty says: "You're dooomed! Idiot child!", but agrees not to tell Kellay.

Non comedy Alzheimers sub-plot: Ethel 2.0 goes on about the day being the anniversary of the last time she saw her William before he marched off to war. Alfie gets dressed up in a white tuxedo and takes her dancing. Even Shane Richie looks a bit dubious about this one, and he did Daz adverts.

NC One Idiot and Two Babies sub-plot: AGarry babysits for Simpleton and Nat. Bazlet looks slightly bemused throughout and scribbles on the wall. Simplet cries until AGarry starts singing Bubbles.

Baz sees Nat in the pub, and is hurt that she's enjoying herself. Juhneen tries to turn on the "she's a 'ho!" line, but Baz isn't interested and slinks off home. Bad Brutha announces to Juhneen that yes, she must sleep with Baz. Well DUH!

PS: just checked our stats. Hello to our Canadian reader!