G-MAN VERSUS EVILLYN

By Mark

It appears that Scalliq’s life has no meaning without DJ Ross. Hmmm, and here was us thinking that Adull was the gay one. Scalliq sucks up to all the Ferrieras in turn to try and make them tell DJ ross to forgive him. Kareena and Adull tell him to get lost. Scalliq grovels to Ash at the Ferriera house when DJ Ross turns up and tries to attack him again. Scalliq says “How can something that was so right turn so wrong” (or something). DJ Ross looks confused.

Kellay forgives Teen just like that. Borrrring.

Dot gets on Poline’s nerves with her constant micro-management technique. In the process she forgets that it is arfurs birthday – Poline makes her feel bad.

Billy rings around to borrow money to repay Charlie, with no luck. He has a regular job so how hard would it be to extend his overdraft by £500? What-ev-uh. Shazza decides to go and visit Vickney and leave Denman and Billy in charge of the club. Denman is up to something, getting a mystery address off some random Scottish bloke.

Bazza makes Juhneen go round and hand out leaflets for the car lot. This gives everyone in the Square opportunity to mock and judge her. Slutty says “Ooo, barry! What a score!” Juhneen says “At least I don’t have to share a bloke with my other family members”. One point for Juhneen. Rickay says “I stood up for you when everyone said you were a whore, and now you are a whore all over again!” Juhneen looks sad on Losers Bench and then gets even sadder when Baz proposes lunch at home. Naked lunch.

Fool is in total denial about Ethel 2.0’s encroaching mentalism and says that Backstreet has to keep it secret from everyone, including Slutty. Ethel seems OK and plans a trip out to play bingo with a friend but then gets all confused and starts wandering round like a zombie. Fool goes to look for her and finds her scarf tied round a lamp post – Nooo! Ethel has turned into a piece of street lighting!!! In the end he tracks her down to a park somewhere and they both cry. There is a vast disturbance in the force as millions of lady viewers get all hot and bothered at the sight of Shane Ritchie crying and looking like he needs a hug. (Sarah: not me! No honest. It was just a bit warm, that's all...ahem)

A-Garrry gets home the next morning and finds Sullen waiting for him with her customary smacked arse face. When she finds out that he was with the baybay all night she goes mad and starts yelling (for a refreshing change). Later on she runs into Simpleton in the market and runs in horror. Sullen talks to Slutty and says that she can’t cope with the baybay being there all the time. God, it’s not as if Simpleton keeps lowering it through the window on a fishing line or anything. She has a serious talk with A-Garry and says that she understands that Garry wants to be a proper dad but that they have to move out of Walford. A bit later A-Garrry shows up on Simpleton’s doorstep asking if he can crash for the night. Good move, sullen.