SHAM ATTACK

All the square is aflutter at the prospect of the New Asian Family moving into Mark's house. The family invite everyone to a house warming party on the same day that they move house - that's realistic, last time I moved house I was so knackered that I had a bath and was in bed by nine. The Teen Muppet Brigade (male contingent) all compete to buy the best present to impress the foxy girl New Asian Family member. Dot and Mo compete to make the best cockernee-knees-up sandwiches. Poline doesn't want to go because it reminds her of Mark, but Dot talks her into it with a few Christian homilies. Everyone is thrown into doubt when Fool mentions that they might by Muslim (no booze or ham sarnies) or Hindu (no beef sarnies). when they finally get to the house they are greeted by an Asian Elvis Impersonator. Oh good, a wacky family!

In other news, Sham is mean to Kyert. Kyert is cross with fill about lying to her about telling Babs. After two seconds they start licking each others hands and make up. Sham is all "how dare you put that slut ahead of FAMILY!?" and tries to guilt trip Fill into going to Rio. No luck. In the end Sham strops off to live in the Vic. Whatever, Sham.

Drippy skips around singing Carpenters songs (badly) and gives her and Billy's flat a good clean. Then the mouse bites her and she instantly dies of rabies. In my dreams. Instead she finds some poison and looks troubled. She gives Billy his dinner with a silver cover on it and I hope that she has cooked the mouse for him like in "Whatever Happened to Baby Jane". No such luck - instead she serves him the rat poison and berates him for killing the innocent mouse and strops off. whatever, buddhist girl.

Rickay says he is going to confess to Poetry Girl about not writing any poems but then doesn't at the prospect of getting a shag off her.

MY Gus and his comedy bro Julie have a ceremonial footie kick about. Gus is really shit. Julie says that MY Gus is a candy-ass bitch for writing poetry and mooching around Moomin all the time. Bad Boy Martin kicks their ball and breaks Fill's window and Gus takes the blame becaause he is a big doormat martyr. He gets a kiss off Moomin for his troubles. Whatever (again).