IS SHE WEIRD IS SHE WHITE IS SHE PROMISED TO THE NIGHT

I really started losing the will to live while watching this one...

Vickney strops, mopes and generally wanders about looking stricken with minimal make-up all day. Simpleton delivers some barely heard wisdom about single parenthood and the Radical Lesbian Child-rearing Collective that she and Pat are setting up (I was in the kitchen at the time, so not all of that may be true).

Shazza says she has to tell the father, but, the EE scriptwriters keep the identity of the father until the end of the ep (for the benefit of people who don't read soap mags, soap blogs or soap forums, I suppose). It's Backstreet!

The Ferreiras have done it: they've cornered the market in nasty cheap clothing and driven the Slaters out of business. Teen and Kellay pack up the stall, scowling. DJ Ross and Scalliq offer them tickets to a gig. Scalliq chats up Teen - boo! Bad Scalliq! He gets his come-uppance when Gangsta Martin tells him that the game's up and then Ash flattens him with a punch. Hurrah! Ash tells Scalliq to finish with Kareena or he'll get his other brothers (inc DJ Ross) to kick his scally arse out of town.

Derek's Gay Shame: Martin extorts more money from Gay Pike, but Army Pal extorts it back. Martin is possibly the crappest gangster ever known to humanity. He's a Viz strip - "Mafia Martin - the world's worst don" - of crappness. Army Pal then tells Gay Pike that everybody in the whole universe knows Pike is gay, but he thought he'd play along with the pitiful charade.

Asif is sad that his friends won't get to wear nasty jackets just like him...