ESTABA PENSANDO SOBREVIVENDO CON MI SISTER IN WALFORD

After last week's excitement, the EE scriptwriters have sent Fill and Kyert to the plot cupboard for extended potato sex. Denman appears long enough to tell Vickney that if she keeps acting like a stupid manipulative little cow, then she'll get treated like a stupid manipulative cow. He then disappears into the bookies for the next six months or so.

Vickney spends the rest of the ep acting like a stupid manipulative little cow; sobbing, buying tatty gifts for Shazza, failing to emotionally blackmail Shazza, sobbing on Backstreet's shoulder, trying the old em blackmail again...and winning! Yes! Vickney falls back on that old EE chestnut, Teenage Pregnancy! The fact that the girl permanently pre-menstrual and mad as a snake doesn't seem to faze Shazza, who pats her hand sympathetically and says of course she can stay. Ummm...why? She isn't chucking up all over the place, so she can probably cope with the flight to Florida without any major upsets. And it's not like Shell never had to cope with teen pregnancy before.

Meanwhile, all is not well chez Ferreira. Kareena decides to tell Dadvis all about her and Scalliq, and cooks Dadvis's favourite meal to soften him up. Scalliq goes along with it, offering to live in a hovel (they're in Walford, already ferchrissakes) if Dadvis chucks them out. But it's all a clever ruse to wind up Kareena. Scalliq is a bad man. Dadvis is in a bad mood after Middle Son mentions that they embarked on a price-cutting war with the Slaters, so Kareena bottles out and agrees to get the nasty jackets.

Gangsta Martin mooches about looking moody. Asif and Moomin discuss exams and post-exam parties, which makes him feel like an ignorant, idle oaf. No change then.

The next non-comedy plot is in the offing, with a sinister twist (don't get too excited). Gay Pike is fed up with being Poline's bitch and says so. Poline tries to cheer him up by inviting "an old pal from his army days" (Clive Dunn's the only one left alive, isn't he?) to stay for a while. Before you can say "Ooo do you fink you are kiddin' Mr Hitler", Pike panics. Army Pal doesn't know that he's gay. Fool Moon tries to calm him down with a story about a former member of the Inter City Firm who became a drag queen, but this just rattles poor Pikey's cage even more. So, Pike and Poline agree to pretend that they're married. Gangsta Martin agrees to go along with it in return for a small consideration. Pike is sad. Poline's quite happy. Brian (the army mate who isn't Clive Dunn after all, boo!) looks slightly bemused.

Fool spends the day preparing a romantic meal for his date, who stands him up. Slutty steps in and they have a wonderful evening, swapping smutty stories and laughing with their mouths full like the peasants they are. Just as Fool prepares to leap across the table and wrestle Slutty to the floor, Backstreet appears and asks them to help out in the bar.