WATCH OUT, BEALE'S ABOUT
Simpleton makes herself at home by having a go at Poline in the launderette and then whining at Pat about how low Ian has brought her. Pat gives her 50 squids and a tatty old teddy and runs off.

Ian gears himself up for half an hour of total arseholery with a few drinks in the Vic. (Slutty still conflicted, partcularly when Simpleton does her: "I'm pregnant! La la la!" speech). Simpleton threatens to set the lawyers on him to recover the Simpleton fortune that she lavished on him when he was bankrupt.

Having pushed him away going "eargh!" when he tried to kiss her on Tuesday, Undercover Kyert begins her surprisingly chaste Fill hunt again. Babs nags Fill about finding Sweet Love and how UKyert is The One, she knows it, practically handing him a packet of three with his lunchtime sandwich. Fill agrees to a curry at the Argee Bhajee (no, that really is the name of the Indian place opposite Walford Tube, fact fans). She gets all gussied up in a nice red dress, and Babs is happy. Fill tries to dump Undercover Kyert, but she deals with some total prattery from Ian very well and Fill falls in love. She lets him kiss her goodnight, but no tongues.

Ian continues being a prat and almost succeeds in making Mark look interesting. Poline still isn't speaking to Mark. Martin is sad. Vickney plays Shazza and Poline off against each other, and succeeds in getting 40 squids to go clubbing with Backstreet Moon, and she doesn't come back until at least 11pm. Poline grounds her and sends her to her room. Vickney pouts.

NC wrinkly adultery plot. Twinkly Lady buys Jim a horrible jumper worthy of Frank Butcher. The entire pub laughs.

Oh yeah, and Ian tells Fill that he's thinking of expanding his empire and buying the caff back off Fill. According to the soap mags, this is an Important Plot Development and not merely another example of Walford residents' shocking lack of imagination. .