DORIS ET DOT

Poline spends the episode staring sadly into space and rummaging through boxes of Mark’s nostalgic trinkets. At least her hair is looking a bit less muppety these days. Gay Pike and Shazza try to cheer her up.

Non comedy subplot 1: something about Barry and tapes of music. Non comedy subplot 2: Sullen and Simpleton argue about a cooked breakfast.

Slutty is being all maternal and starts looking at baby magazines. She sees Dr Perv being nice to Nat’s kid and decides to tell him about the baby so he can help to raise it, but on her terms. No-one else has guessed yet and she continues to confide in Fool.

Barry is all happy now that he has finally been laid. Nat continues to flinch really obviously whenever he touches her and arranges to go and have 5 star hotel loving with Rickay too. Sham starts making arrangements for Rickay’s birthday - hmm, a birthday party and an extra-marital affair. I wonder what’s going to happen?

Nita decides that Robbie is too poor to look after Anish. Boring – just leave already.

Asif is back from his longest ever stay in the plot cupboard. Wow, I thought he had left. Martin is peeved that his boyfriend abandoned him for so long.

Jim malingers and pretends to be ill. Doris says she will look after him and that he needs pampering blah blah blah. Dr Perv and Moomin join the nation in rolling their eyes. Jim says it is OK to be a tart as Dot didn’t send him an anniversary card. It turns out that she did send one and Doris hid it and then opened it. What a bitch. Doris makes a steak and kidney pie and cuts out the heart from the card to make a pastry heart for the pie crust. She is really cruising for a bruising. Later on she is sensually rubbing liniment into Jim’s doughy back (of course, Jim is making non-comedy faux sex noises) when Dot walks in. Fight! Fight!