CHRONICLE OF A DEATH SNORE-TOLD

Shazza runs around squealing "Mark! Mark!". Mark is revealed to be lying in the gutter outside in the rain, perhaps he is planning on drowning himself through the "rain up my nose" method. Shazza wakes him up and it turns out that he didn't take any pills. He belows like a distressed bison (at least he's putting expression in his voice for the first time in three years) and Shazza cries etc. They go back inside and he confesses that he is going to die. shazza tells him to Choose Life! and tells loads of depressing stories about how Angie died and Shazza nursed her and they were really close and honest with other etc etc etc etc. Mark says he has changed his mind and Shazza quickly runs round the house picking up all the cutlery and pointy objects just in case. Mark sneaks out and tries to kill himself again by crashing his motor bike, but it slips on some wet cabbage leaves and he falls off. More bellowing and kicking of the bike. What a spaz.

All this is intercut with many scenes of Fool trying to make Slutty wee on the pregnancy stick. Padded out much? In the end she does and is pregnant. Ruh roh.

Shazza pleads with Mark some more and talks about tom and the great time they had for the two episodes between him being ill and him dying a Fiery Heroic Death. Mark moans that his relationships were always disastrous and that he hardly ever gets laid. Yes Mark, but that's because you're a boring dozy fucker. Shazza tells him that he can use his remaining time to do nice things and wrap things up with his family. In the end it works. Mark enjoys the rain! Mark enjoys late night radio! Mark no longer flinches at the sight of mouldy fruit. Aaargh, just die already!