BUH-BYE MARK

Mark leaves. Poline is sad. Dot won't come out of the plot cupboard. Nat is dragged off for a night of five-star lovin' by Baz. Ian is mean to Mark and doesn't listen when Mark tells him to stop being a bastard.

Actually, it was quite moving, and the editors feel that it would be crass and insensitive to take the piss.

The "Tribute to Mark Fowler" offshoot, however, does not even deserve our ire.

Gasp! As Ian Beale tries to nick Todd Carty's dressing room name plaque

Swoon! at early Grange Hill/Tucker's Luck footage of Carty at his pudding-bowled, floppy mopped peak!

Coo! at Todd Carty's pictures drawn by his preternaturally talented two-year-old son!

Yawn! after five minutes of Todd Carty proving that yes, he is quite a nice bloke, and possibly more boring than Mark and Darren from BB2 rolled into one great big tsunami of tedium...