CAFE OF MYSTERY

Mark wanders round with his sad cow face on and packs up all his possessions. Martin goes round and Mark gives him a tacky signet ring. Poline is all offended that Mark would give the ring away and basically continues to moan about Mark leaving at every opportunity. Martin tells her to stop it. Poline confesses to Gay Pike that she is worried abour Mark's health.

Jim has the flu and Mrs-Crosbie-off-Brookie and Sonia look after him. Sonia basically tells Mrs C-O-B that she thinks she is a slagggg. It turns out that Jim was supposed to have a flu jab but then didn't. In a non-comedy subplot, it turns out that Mo has really bad piles. I say no more. All this leads Dr Perv into announcing that he is giving up medicine for ever. Oh, get a grip.

Slutty is all happy now that she has decided that she's keeping her baby. Her and Fool think up baby names. Meanwhile Nat is acting all cold towards Bazzer. I hate Baz but Natalie is still being a bitch - tell him what the problem is or dump him! Baz is so desperate that he reads articles in women's magazines and starts wearing aftershave. Nat still won't shag him. Pat tries to comfort Baz, even though she knows the Truth about Rickay.

Gasp! The caff is closed for refurbishment, causing many great disturbances in the Force. Everyone talks about it all day. Sullen is really pissed off that she might have lost her job. Ian is really cross that Fill sold the caff without consulting the Bealemeister first. They both hang around outside the caff in their best clothes in the hope of sucking up to the new owner. Of course, Simpleton is the new manager and she has fitted a new neon sign "Simpleton's!!" Simpleton says she will discuss Sullen's new terms and conditions in the morning. Ian and Sullen look cross. Simpleton looks smug and evil.