DUMBER AND DUMBEST
Baz discovers Nat sleeping on the sofa, and shouts at her for neglecting his manly needs. Nat says she is doing loads of overtime at work and didn't want to disturb him. Pat overhears this exchange and her earrings start glowing: "Warning! Danger, Pat Evans!"

Nat tells Pat that she still feels guilty about doing the wild thing with Rickay, even though it's all in the past, no really, honest it is. Rickay is conveniently chatting to a previously unknown friend in the background, and they are definitely ignoring each other. Oh yes.

Mark. Still not dead. Martin goes around collecting for...something...and gets a little something off everybody. Poline looks sour (she was very good on Just a Minute the other day, incidentally) when Gay Pike tries to get her to forgive Mark for being terminally boring. Poline tells him to bugger off. Gay Pike buggers off. Poline is sad.

The opening day of Simpers' Cafe isn't going that well. Simpleton is short-staffed and flustered, and Sullen sullenly refuses to return to work. AGarry points out to Sullen that they will never be able to afford the two-bedroomed cottage in Upton Park if she doesn't work (annoyingly, he's right). Ian oversteps the bounds of shiteness by parking a chip van outside the caff and embarking on a sausage butty price war. Simpleton puts a stop to all his nonsense by calling the market inspector and smiling evilly as the unlicensed Bealemobile is carted away. Sullen returns and they do this "stay out of my way and I'll stay out of yours" act that heralds a future of love-hate female bonding that is making me ill already.

Vickney bums money of Shazz and gets a job as a hat check girl in the nightclub. She is awful. Somebody kill her.

Meanwhile Baz decides to be the ideal husband (again), and starts planning some unforgiveable tackfest in honour of Valentine's day. Nat sneaks off to buy a cheap black and gold basque off the market. Later, Baz drives off to meet Nat from work. Cut to Nat at the station. She climbs into a car, waves the cheap basque about and giggles to...Rickayy!!!