BETTER THE DORIS YOU KNOW

OK, let's get the wrinkly stalker plot out of the way first. Jim tells Moomin that Doris propositioned him. Doris keeps pouncing on Jim when he least expects it and making lascivious comments. Patrick sets him some lame scoring system based on bum size, sense of humour etc that puts Doris ahead of Dot in every way.

Dr Perv decides to give up being a doctor. Hurrah!

On Rickay's birthday, Sham and Ricklet make him a fried breakfast and stick a candle in his sausage. Lovely. AG is very annoying about hitting 30 and Sham mocks Rickay's mystery girlfriend. Meanwhile Mystery Girlfriend gets a day off work (what "work" does Nat do, incidentally) and spends the rest of the day trying to get Rickay alone for another backseat quickie. Their love is thwarted by totally contrived visits from other cast members, Baz's attempts at good husbandry etc and they end up having to make do with a quick knee trembler behind the market during Rickay's party. Nat says she wants to leave Baz.

Robbie puts on a suit, goes to The Retards Employment Agency and gets a job in the council planning department. Nita disappears for the day. Moomin tells Robbie about Nita's Passage to India. Robbie is sad. He comes home, breaks a few things, and then Nita produces a ticket and a visa for Robbie. He's going to India with them and her family don't mind (maybe the village idiot's job has just become available or something).

We end with Dot's true exit from the plot cupboard. Doris visits Dot, and they battle for Jim. But it's an old lady battle - lots of hissing of "floozy" and "slattern" and vicious looks - no proper wrestling or denture throwing or anything.