AND THEY CALL IT MUPPET LOVE
I will confess now: I was busy cooking dinner tonight (last night?), and only saw bits of what was going on. Not that it's ever stopped me before, eh?

Fool discovers that Slutty has pawned her engagement ring to pay off Byrite, and tells her not to worry her pretty little head about him: he'll find a way. Then every time I looked in after that, he seemed to be trying to get Maxwell to pawn his silver hammer or calling a loan shark. Slutty says: "No loan sharks. Especially ones that don't fancy me.", and calls Byrite for a Secret Meeting. Byrite sets up a Sinister Gangland-type scene which appears to involve the Brand New Heavies carrying a semi-conscious man into the betting shop and Byrite saying: "How many times have I told you? Take the cat food round the back! Oh, I'm sorry Slutty...didn't see you there...no rest for the wicked, eh?" He tries to comfort Slutty in her hour of distress, but she tells him to keep away, and runs back to tell Fool to pack his bags. Fool looks tired and tells her that he's done with running away, and if Byrite wants to set his ninja kittens on him, let him. Slutty holds Fool's head to her heaving breast, tells him that everything's alright, and looks 'thoughtful', yet 'determined'.

Hey guess what everyone! Martin and Moomin want to get married as soon as possible! Why, I have no idea: the tax breaks can't be that great on a fruit and veg stall, and they're already shagging. So anyway, the really bad news is that they want to get married in Southend - Gomorrah of the East. There are many things you can do in Southend, but getting married is not the one that immediately springs to mind. Maybe they've got a thing about piers, Force 10 gales, rain and goose pimples...the mucky pups. Dot is shocked that they don't want a church wedding because it would be too much fuss, and Moomin wants Jim to give her away. Umm...you don't actually need anyone to give you away in a civil ceremony, Moomin love. Dot and Poline have a Mother-of-Bridezilla summit, divide the flower arranging/catering duties, and call in the Comedy Vicar. Moomin and Martin look slightly annoyed that the family might want to get involved in their wedding.

Backstreet (Martin's best man) is still bouncing around the square, shadow boxing, huffing, and looking as physically imposing as the Very Hungry Caterpillar. Denman suggests he goes and talks to Teen about how he feels. Use the "Use me instead..." line, Backstreet. Teen gently knocks him back, telling him that he's like a brother to her (Backstreet does not riposte with :"Like that stopped Denman and Shazz..." Shame). Then she goes back to ogling her mother's sloppy seconds. Ugh. Denman himself gets knocked back by a lairy bride-to-be on her hen night ("No thanks Mr Desperate"), and decides to take up Teen's offer of a drink. Teen has been raiding her mother's wardrobe again, but I like her hair.

O-Den staggers into the niteclub, carrying a box of hairdryers for LadyDen. LadyDen approves. Next.

Back to the Ferreiraz and their mortgage arrears cliffhanger. Today is the day that they pay off the arrears, and they've got their best denims on to impress the Building Society Man. Ash still needs to find the remainder, and what do the muppets do? They entrust the money to a gambler. Off he trots to the bookies, where it gets even more Runyonesque. Nicely Nicely Billy looks concerned as Ash first loses (Yay!), then wins (Boo!), then bets his last £1500 on a horse called Safe As Houses, which even Jim can see is a bad idea. The bookie regulars (including Winston) look concerned as Sucker Bet Ash yells at Nicely Nicely Billy when Billy won't accept his marker or something. Byrite says: "take the money. Bwahahaha". Ash loses. He staggers home, downs half a bottle of bad whisky, and confesses to the Kidz. I would have cared once, honest...