IT'S A KAT TRAP

Oh, this episode was so rubbish I can barely be bothered to write it up. First of all, Kyert and LadyDen open their joint beauty palace in record time. No-one shows up until O-den flirts with Pat and gets her to get her to get her roots touched up. Pat recruits the rest of her crone friends to do the same. LadyDen moans at O-Den for helping her out. OK, now she is annoying. Later on O-Den gives Sham a birthday kiss in front of LadyDen just to annoy her and then phones up his mystery wench to have a moan.


Vickney starts rabbiting on about astrology and uses her heathen sorcerous astromancy to try and set up Kellay and Backstreet. Great! Another plot for me to not remotely care about!


The Ferriera kids all sit around and moan about Ash and the fact that he has made them homeless. They fantasise about breaking his legs etc. Scalliq and DJ Ross try to find cheap rented accommodation but can't find anything. It turns out that Ash has gone missing and Scalliq can't find his pain pills so they think he is going to top himself. They all rush off to find him - try the allotment, that's where sad losers often go to die.


Sham moans that she hasn't got many birthday cards. Yes Sham, that's because no-one likes you. Byrite says he has a surprise for her later. In his pants.


Fool tries to track down Maxwell to borrow money and witters on that everything is going to be all right. Slutty is sick of his Fool-ish optimism and tells him to shut up. she asks what he will do if Byrite attacks her to get at him. Fools says that Byrite will have to beat him up, break every bone in his body, chop his legs off, feed him to rabid hamsters etc etc before he will let him hurt Slutty. Promises promises...Then he runs off to track down Maxwell. Slutty meanwhile decides to take matters into her own hands and asks Sham if she can borrow £7k to "do up the kitchen" and turn the Vic into a swanky gastropub or something. Sham asks for a cashflow projection as though she knows what she's talking about. Today Sham is dressed up as a post box.


Adull finds Ash in the kitchen and they have an overacting competition. I don't know who wins but we the viewers are defintely the losers. Basically it goes: Adull "you ruined outr lives, you idiot!" Ash: "It might have worked if I had just had one more shot, plus you are the idiot for giving money to a crazy gamble-o-holic like me." Adull: "Just admit you're an idiot!" Ash: "you're right! I have a gambling problem! boo hoo!" Adull "I'll let you off then!" It also turns out that he wasn't going to commit suicide after all but that Scalliq just misplaced his pills. Whatever.


Sham turns down the loan to Slutty having discussed it Byrite. Doh! Foiled! Byrite sarcastically offers to help with any problems she might have. Slutty is worried that Fool has done a runner but then he turns up, having failed to track down Maxwell. He resigns himself to taking a beating and says he will do anything for Slutty. Anything!! Hint hint! Byrite gives Sham some spa vouchers to get her out of the way while he has his way with Slutty and then drags a couple of brand new heavies around to the Vic. Fool shuts a curtain - hmm, I doubt that is going to soundproof, Fool. Byrite gets out his truncheon (tee hee) and starts chatting about how he is going to do lots of hurty things with it. Slutty gives a secret "OK, I'll shag you, you bastard" hand signal so Bryite says they have got another day to come up with the money and stalks off. This plot is so shit. All they have to do is catch Byrite unawares and smack him around a bit and he will run off crying like he did before...