THE GREAT LAME ROBBERY
Fool and Slutty in bed - they giggle and stare drippily at each other for a bit until Slutty asks if they can resolve the ontological status of Fool's marraige. He says he used to be married but he can't remember if the divorce was ever finalised, because it wasn't like it was important or anything. He says Nana will know for sure. Oh, that's a great plan. Next they will find out that the location of the divorce papers is disclosed on a special map that is tattooed on the backs of seven holy tibetan infants. Meanwhile Drippy gets to keep her barmaid job and chats some more to the man who is going to (spoiler) rape her - because that's what women get if they take a job without their husbands' approval. fuck off EE writers (end spoiler). All the other Slaters sit around and wonder if Slutty has done the right thing. Charlie looks thoughtful. Maybe he is wondering if he has to give his West Ham season ticket back.

O-Den plots with Fill (they are going to rob a factory's Xmas payroll, fact fans) . Fill phones up various crim friends for one last job. Oh, just saying that is the kiss of death. Denman sulks around and has to say terrible tough guy dialogue about O-Den being in league with the devil. Also, cut your hair Denman. Girl Detective Shazza watches O-Den talk with other shadowy gents. When her and Denman confront O-den he tells them not to worry their pretty little heads about it.

My name is Ash and I am a Gambloholic wakes up with Shirley. When he goes home it turns out that he hasn't been back for two days. Way to go, tiger. Later on he runs into Shirley in the street but ignores her because Dadvis is standing right behind them. Shirley is sad. Spineless bitch Ash says it is "too soon" to worry Dadvis and that he will tell him later when it is more dramatic and conflicty.

Fool goes to the orspital to visit Ethel 2.0 and ask her about the Lost Divorce of the Covenant. Ethel can't really remember (surprise surprise) but it turns out that she can go home soon. Ethel's "full head of hair and giant bandage" combo is hilarious - it would have been more realistic if they'd stuck a cartoon style, cross shaped plaster on her forehead. Fool says "oh what will Slutty do if we can't be wed" perhaps thinking that he is in a Charles Dickens novel instead of the goddamned 21st century where couples cohabit without being married all the time.

Byrite Andy is still dressed up in his wack Little Lord Fauntleroy wedding outfit. He sits in the picnic area of the Park of Contrivance and broods. Later on he turns up at the vic with two heavies (No sign of White Vin Diesel though, shame) and says he wants his engagement ring back. All the Slaters get ready to rumble, in the immortal words of PJ and Duncan, but Slutty says OK. It turns out the ring is stuck. Maybe it is encrusted to her finger with Fool's man juice. Andy says he's not leaving without it and tries to look menacing. I hoped he was going to start waving a pair of bloodstained secateurs around, but sadly not. In the end, Sullen says "look over there!" and rubs some of Mo's pile cream on her finger while she isn't looking and they get ring off. Sullen keeps waving her hair around like she is in a Pantene advert. Stop it! Slutty makes Andy take the dress and all the presents away too, so he ends up looking like a petty loser. Ha ha.

Some tall rich carribean gentlemen arrives, checks into the B&B and then wanders round being pious. Who could it be? You'll never guess. Trini-Dad and Yolande are out shopping all day. When they get back they chase each other round the table hornily and laugh a lot. Eww. Trinidad fakes a heart attack and then jumps Yolande's bones when she goes over. They are rolling round on the floor when Tall Bloke comes in and shouts "Whore of Babylon!" (not really, but he looked like he was thinking it). Yolande says "what are you doing here, husband?" Gasp! That wasn't obvious at all!