AS BILLY IDOL ONCE SAID, "IT'S UH NICE DAY FOR A WHITE WEDDING-GUH"
Can I just say that this episode is a huge fucking waste of time. I mean, does anyone actually think that Slutty is going to marry Byrite? Anyone? Anyone? Bueller?
Anyway, Slutty mopes around with her sisters (for some reason Posh is allowed to have her Real Hair in this episode. what can it all mean?) and then sits on her own looking miserable while they all get ready and shriek at each like a bunch of crazy harpies. Drippy comes to help Slutty get ready and instantly guesses that she is pining after Fool. Jesus, if Little Mo-ron has worked it out then you'd think that Slutty and Fool would have got their shit together by now. Slutty tells a trite story about how Charlie used to tell her stories about the man in the moon before she went to sleep and that it was her happiest memory before Fat Nonce Boon robbed her of her innocence. This is just an excuse for Drippy to simper "Man in the moon! Like Alfie Moon!" Shut up, Drippy. She tells Slutty to break off the wedding but Slutty says "no, we have to drag this stupid plot out for as long as possible!"

Meanwhile Fool is having the same conversation with Ian in the Vic. Since when where Ian and Fool mates? Since when has Ian been mates with anyone? Ian gets Fool to phone Slutty but then Fool just mutters like an idiot and Slutty decides that he definitely doesn't want her. Fool and Backstreet go off to visit Ethel 2.0 and Fool is threatened by an especially gay looking Brand New Heavy.

Mercifully there is some non Fool/Slutty news; Fill agrees to take part in O-Den's devious plan. Shazza, Denman and Squeaky are all outraged that O-Den is dealing with the evil Fill but Vickney seems to realise that O-Den knows what he is doing - I suppose she is the only one whose IQ goes up to double figures.

At the hospital, Ethel has a bandage covering her brain tap but still has all her hair. I would have thought they would have shaved her head to perform brain surgery, but what do I know? The doc says that she is doing very well and that she is "a character" (i.e. very annoying) but Ethel is still a bit scatty and can't maintain the thread of a conversation. In the end she tells Fool that "your Kathleen" came round and told Ethel that she loved Fool. Like, duh! Fool rushes off to declare his lurve. Meanwhile Ian and Drippy have joined forces (my eyes, they did roll) to assist the Power of Love, much like Jennifer Rush with her ubiquitous mid 1980s pop hit. They try ringing round hospitals to tell Fool. Drippy has to go to church with the wedding party and leaves Ian to Love Power on his own. Slutty is wearing the big shoulder dress but has added a wierd cropped, high collared jacket that looks like the kind of thing that Servalan would wear if she thought it was going to be a bit nippy. Her hair looks nice though and the bridesmaid dresses are quite smart.

Fool arrives back and asks Fill what Andy will do if he disrupts his wedding. Fill says that Andy will kill him dead but Fool, living up to his name, doesn't care. He makes Ian drive him to the church in his rickety chip van.

At the church Andy is wearing a weird victorian high collar thing that makes him look like Oliver Twist. Slutty arrives and goes up the aisle. Drippy can't be witness to such a Love Travesty and goes and stands outside. Hymns are sung. The comedy vicar is wheeled out for the occassion. Go Comedy Vicar! Meanwhile the Salmonella Wagon gets stuck behind a delivery van. Fool goes and shouts at the Delivery Dude. Hey Fool, it's not his fault that you're a big cretin who left things to the last minute. The Delivery Dude moves the van, maybe scared that Fool will start singing his pop single at him. Ian drives off to the wedding. Drive Ian! Drive! It's a cliffhanger. Hurray, they're going to waste two episodes on this bollocks!