Slutty and Dr Perv wake up after a night of blood-soaked perviness. Slutty runs out of Dr Perv's lair and spends the rest of the day looking stricken and shouting at Fool and Sham. Dr Perv spends the rest of the day getting drunk in the Vic and perving at all and sundry. Even Fool (eewwwww). Slutty is sad. And conflicted.

Dr Perv somehow makes his way to the cellar, where he pounces on Slutty and declares his pervy love. Slutty admits to loving him too, and ...yadda yadda yadda...

Gay Pike tells Martin that he's a big boy now (oh yes), and goes on about of course Martin is mature enough to have sorted cover for the stall before he goes off on holiday during the busiest time of the year for brussel sprout sales. Martin looks...well it's his normal divvy look...and tries to be grown up for about ten minutes before Hard Faced Girl tempts him away for a drive in the country for the rest of the day. He comes home, gets a telling off from Gay Pike and discovers that his driving licence has been revoked.

Billy decides to tempt fate to the point of insanity by asking Fill to be his best man and Jaymee to be the usher. Jaymee at first refuses, and then says yes to the hymn book and wrestling grannies into the right pew gig.

Ian looks all shifty for most of the ep, then discovers that DC Steven is coming home for Christmas (cue that creepy bit from Tubular Bells). He decides to put off his fiendish plans for revenge on Simpleton until the New Year.

Oh, and there's a load of bollocks about some East End Pub of the Year nonsense that Fool tries to play down because he can't write or something. Anyway, Babs and Sham prevail, and we can look forward to seeing Slutty in a "sexy elf" costume or some such nonsense during Xmas week.