Again we open the episode on Slutty (sans makeup this time and looking rough) and Anthony in Dr Perv's Palace of Lerve. He bunks off work and they skip around all day, looking lovingly into each others eyes and generally dancing the Dance of the Doomed Lovers.

Sham appears in a black suit and takes the morning off work. She's got an interview for an assistant bar manager's job, and she gets it. But Fill doesn't like the idea of his women being independent so he does something to make her lose the job before she has even started. Fill also dons his Santa hat and gives Billy and Drippy a honeymoon in the Canaries for a wedding present. Which means that Sham can look after the club. A happy Sham promises the best New Year's Eve party evah. Oh dear.

More Doomed Love. Martin has had his licence revoked, so he can't drive down to Seaford for a week of rampant adolescent sexual fumbling with Hard Faced Girl. Hard Faced Girl pouts and starts flirting with Backstreet Moon. Martin is cross. Never mind mate, have you ever seen Seaford? I'd rather shag Robbie Jackson on top of an open-topped bus going down the middle of Oxford Street than spend an hour in Seaford, honestly.

Ian gets all excited about DC Steven's homecoming and runs about making it all perfect for him. In walks Pat sans the Devil Child.

Non comedy subplot re: Dodgy East End Boozer of the Millennium or whatever. Fool decides to make the pub unwelcoming, and throws out a posh sleazeball who he thinks is the judge but who we know is a nasty man who wants to do bad things to Sham.

Jaymee is still alive, but his demise was trailed just before the News.

Anyway, Slutty floats home, determined to tell her family that Dr Perv really is a total perv but she loves him. But oh no! Zoe's home!