It is raining on the Square and it turns out that the grey miserable weather is an omen that Poline is returning. Gay Pike does all he can to stop Martin and HFG going on holiday – Martins car breaks down and while Jaymee is fixing it Gay Pike hides Martin’s wallet. Poline (looking very orange) appears at the last minute and starts with the “Where do you think you’re going, young man.” They fight over the car keys and Gay pike is pushed roughly onto the sofa. Martin says “I wished you had stayed in Florida!” and runs off to cry in his room. For some reason Poline looks shocked that Martin is not pleased to see her.

Jaymee and Moomin are sad that they have no money and are going to lose Ethel’s Magic Ring of Predestination. Moomin suggest they look in the horoscopes to cheer themselves up - Jaymee’s says “you will be run over by a car and die as part of the annual Xmas Eastenders melodram-a-thon”. Jaymee gets a few quid fixing Martin’s car and Moomin covers for Sullen at the caff until Fill throws her out.

The Slaters move back into their house. Drippy is a bit nervous as though expecting to find a Hiroshima style burnt outline of Eeevvil Trevor on the landing. Non-comedy subplot alert – Sullen and Annoying Gary compete to organise the most outlandish stag/hen do for Drippy and Billy.

The non comedy subplot that wouldn’t die – the judges for the pub competition turn up and Fool and Backstreet try to put them off; Fool tells them that it is full of criminals (and that Jim is an old school East End villain) and Backstreet starts a fight. Shut up Fool, plus give it a rest Writers. It turns out that the judges are Morrisey fans or something because they love all the cockney working class thuggery and say they will certainly give the Vic a prize and put Fool’s picture in the paper. Ruh roh!

Slutty wanders around looking sad and under-made-up. Teen decides that she wants to try again with Dr Perv. Dr Perv stands outside the house in the rain like a big pervy stalker – I bet he his playing pocket billiards. Teen thinks he is stalking her but he says he is stalking someone else. Teen is sad. Slutty tells Dr Perv that it is ovah and she can’t risk losing Teen again. Dr Perv and Slutty are sad.