WHERE DID JOJO'S MOJO GO?
By FilmFan
Tina Who Is Without A Nickname wakes up in TonyBennet’s new shagpad. She
hints that TB is some sort of super-stud and they’ve been at it all night,
which is frankly way too much information while I’m eating my tea. TB
obviously hopes she’ll stay in her flat FOR THE REST OF HER LIFE and tells
her to stay put while he gets breakfast, but she displays the first
flutterings of what we can only hope is "moxie" and goes out to get her own
breakfast. She is immediately lusted after by every male in the Square,
especially AGarry, who is so excited he runs over Minty’s foot. Later on she
accidentally tells Pat that her old flat has "a whiff of brothel" about it
and manages to briefly unite LadyDen and Sham in their jealousy of her. She
also rejects Curly (twice) and gets knocked back by Lee and no-one guesses
she’s TB’s goomah, even when she whispers in his ear in the club, in front
of everyone.

Curly must be on some new medication. He tries to tell Billy that he’s TB’s
"number two" or something. Billy’s all, "Whatever, loser". TB tells Billy to
work out everything the Ferreiraz owe him, "down to the last penny". Clearly
no-one has told TB that Billy’s not the sharpest tool in the box. Later on,
Scalliq and Martina confess to TB that they’ve been using his cars. TB’s not
happy but at least he doesn’t start pouting like Adull does. It looked like
Martina was dumping Adull but sadly we didn’t get to see him cry, although
he does whine a lot. Fuck off, Adull.

Poline and Pike have gone out for the evening. MMartin hopes for a night of
Hot Loving from Moomin but she has homework. He tries to wait for her to
finish but falls asleep instead. Lame. Why did they even bother filming
this?

Dumber has a nasty cold or something. The Dolescums fret around saying that
he needs medicine. Dumber’s hardly at death’s door, but this is still enough
reason for Rosie Klebb to shoplift from the Kwik-E-Mart. That didn’t take
long, did it? And only last week she was telling Demi that shoplifting was
Evil and Bad and Wrong. Tsk.

DC Lucy is still upset over JoJo and the Ear-rings Of Shame. PantoJane
cracks and tells the Bealemeister, making him promise not to go off on one.
Of course, he goes off on one and frog-marches DC Lucy over to tell Rainman
Charlie The Truth. Meanwhile, JoJo has been putting the moves on Mickney and
persuades him to take her to LadyDen’s birthday party at the club. She snogs
Mickney just as Kareena turns up. Kareena: horrified. With impeccable
timing, Rainman Charlie, the Bealemeister, DC Lucy and PantoJane then show
up and confront JoJo about the Fake Mugging. Mickney uses this as a good
excuse to make a run for it. JoJo gives DC Lucy a look that says, "You’re
dead, bitch" and confesses. And then…nothing happens. Rainman takes her home
and gives her yet ANOTHER peptalk, telling her she’s faaaaamily now.
Whatever. It’s hard to believe the Bealemeister let her off so lightly,
although he does get off a good line about JoJo being like the girl in The
Exorcist. Um…Bealemeister? Pot? Kettle? Remind you of anything?

Meanwhile, back at the club, LadyDen’s party is in full swing. Lee finally
gets her alone in the office, on the promise of a photo of TB’s legs from
his boxing days. They snog and also spot Curly and Sham running off for a
quick shag on the CCTV, although they’re back seconds later so Curly’s
obviously got it down to a fine art.

AGarry tries and fails to chat up Tina Who Is Without A Nickname (TWIWAN).
Minty finally grows a pair and tells Sham that he and Garry are moving in
together and they don’t care who knows it. Kareena cries on Juley’s shoulder
and ends up snogging him. Mickney arrives and he and Juley have a fight, but
sadly it’s all off camera. TB breaks up the fight and takes Juley into the
office. He makes him empty his pockets and Juley reluctantly hands over all
his coke. TB tells Juley to get ahhht of his club or it’ll be his funeral.
He then sacks Curly for not somehow knowing that Juley had a shitload of
coke. Curly: sad.