RUBY MY DREAR
Not often you get Thelonious Monk and Eastenders in the same blog, eh?

It's a double blog this weekend because, quite frankly, I had better things to do. So, let's get a move on with the Moominchild storyline. Moomin starts Thursday being "thoughtful". MMartin mistakes "thoughtful" for "pissed off that he wouldn't let her go to Moominchild's adoptive parents' funeral", and tries to apologise. Moomin confesses that she went to the funeral anyway, and MMartin gets cross that she disobeyed his orders. Correct me if I'm wrong, but this is the 21st century, isn't it? Moomin argues that Moominchild is still their child - she even dances on close relatives' graves and everything. Lots of stomping about and shouting about how Moominchild should be with her proper family, even if she doesn't know Moomin from Adam. Lots of faffing around on Friday, but it ends with Moomin calling herself "Pam" and visiting Adoptive Granny to make sure she isn't a gin-swilling axe-murderer. Given that Moomin tried to steal the kid a few years ago, you'd think her features would be burned on every family member's consciousness, but Adoptive Granny welcomes Moomin into her home, and lets her drink tea in the same room as Devil Moominchild. Granny and Moominchild get on like a house on fire, despite Granny's dubious taste in wallcoverings. Moomin leaves and looks sad but thoughtful. Oh please. Drop this. Now.

I'm tempted to call TWIWAN Jap Stam because of her strangely domed, Dutch-footballer-forehead. Anyway, she's bored with lounging around in her negligee, being a 1960s mistress. So, get yourself down to Ikea and do something about that decor, missus. Oh well. She goes shopping with Little Mo, and bumps into Fool, who has combined a job lot of bunny ears with a bunch of old bikinis, and is trying to sell them as instant Bunny Girl outfits. Strangely, maybe because it's MARCH, or maybe because even East End men know that Life isn't an FHM cover story, the outfits aren't selling. That is until Domehead starts holding them against her skinny frame and saying: "ooh I'd wear this for my man...if I had one...which I don't....hello boys!". Lots of men round and start buying bunny outfits for their wives. FFS, isn't the divorce rate in Walford high enough? Rosie Klebb steals Easter eggs from Fool for the twins and feels bad when Fool foists some bunny ears on her for CB Aleesha.

TB tells Davetta that she's going back to Posh Boarding School until the end of June, when she can leave legally. I forget how Rainman finds out about this, but he does and uses his cabbie ready reckoner to work out that JoJo has been *gasp* telling LIES about not having to go to school after her 16th birthday. You'd think that with five girls - the youngest being barely out of knee-high socks - in the house he'd have worked that one out for himself. Anyway, JoJo is dragged out of the Kwik e Mart and has to think fast to stop herself being frogmarched back to Walford Comp before you can say "not even a grade E GCSE for Neat Colouring-In". JoJo claims that it's far too late to send her back to school, and they'd only get into trouble anyway, even if the authorities did notice. Hmmm...good truanting storyline missed there, eh producers? Tony Bennet sees her giving Ian some lip in the caff and does the "hmmm...moxie!" look. He pays her to spend time with Davetta while he slips off to slip one to TWIWAN/Domehead. Davetta is cross, but then she and JoJo bond over slagging off the entire square, very entertainingly. JoJo confesses her love for Mickney, but also tells Davetta that she grassed up the Dolescums to the Social. Pay attention. Important.

Meanwhile Minty and AGarry make a bid for the Ferreiraz' old flat, and invite Billy to move in with them. Hang on, wasn't it a two-bed? Billy looks suspicious. Pat irons his shirt for him, allowing us to dwell on his Groundskeeper Willie torso for a second or two, then offers him her spare room. Billy decides that he'd have more of a chance escaping from Pat's amorous advances than from AGarry/Minty.

DC Lucy and Ian go to the pub (that's not legal, surely?) and Ian tells her to stop being Evil Stepchild from Hell with PantoJane, or she'll be motherless again before she knows it.

There's more nonsense about Family: being a part of, on Friday. Rainman calls upon the other Slaters to rally around JoJo, and they all go down the pub to celebrate their togetherness...or whatever. Anyway, Davetta and TB are there too. TB invites JoJo to lunch, then Davetta goes to console Mickney about JoJo grassing the family up to the social. Mickney looks grim, then calls Rosie, who does the usual shouting and screaming guttersnipe act. JoJo channels Norman Tebbit for a few minutes, and the pub is stunned into silence. Then she turns on poor Davetta and Rainman has to intervene. Nooo! We want a Devil Teen Alliance!