Sham's Lament

Teen decides to cook everyone a special dinner for some reason. Jojo
is sad because Mo keeps shouting at her. Um Jojo, she shouts at
everyone. JoJo goes to the shop and Yolande is nice to her and lets
her play with canned food or something. Yolande has an important
meeting with a "supplier" (no cash and carry for EE – these
"suppliers" are the bane of every Walford entrepeneur's life!). JoJo
takes the takings to the bank but later shows up late at the Slaters,
all disarrayed and crying, saying she was mugged at knife point. Or
was she???

Billy mopes around and hides from Tony Bennet. Tony comes into the
video shop (what the hell is "Flying Virus" and why is it prominently
displayed instead of shoved on a low down shelf of straight-to-video
rubbish) and Billy lies that he is not scared. Tony says that Billy is
a true Mitchell because he has "bottle". Oh what ever.

Keef finally bites the bullet and goes to the Job Centre for his
Restart interview. I am illogically hoping that Pauline Pens from
League of Gentlemen is going to be his officer as that would totally
rock, but sadly not. A smiley blonde lady sits him down and offers him
loads of cool jobs that don't involve clerical work – working for the
forestry commission, working in a City Farm, feeding baby pandas and
playing with them and dressing them up in matching outfits etc. Damn,
last time I went to the job centre it was a choice of catering,
cleaning or working at a grain store or in the dreaded "chicken
factory". Keef turns them all down with a variety of weak excuses. The
dole lady says he has to fill out his form again with the excuses in
the right boxes and Keef struggles to write the letter "K" while she
raises her eyebrows and thinks "ruh roh". Later on at home, Keef
bemoans his lack of book learnin' while Rosie Klebb cries and says she
will always love him. Hmm, my burning white hot hatred for them has
subsided slightly – to red hot. As well as missing "On the move" Keef
has apparently managed to miss all those adult literacy/numeracy
"defeat your gremlins" ads on telly – still, it is a different plot
for EE so I won't complain too much.

Sham tells LadyDen to keep her stinking job as she won't need it after
she has claimed Byrite's business empire. At the lawyers, Sham is
surprised to see that Pat has turned up too and is more surprised that
Byrite has written a will. She discovers that Denman has inherited the
bookies (oh Byrite, still gay beyond the grave), Pat has inherited the
house and all their money etc is to go to the local dogs home (umm, if
all the accounts were in their joint names then he couldn't actually
do that). Sham just gets his wedding ring. She goes mental and storms
out while Pat tries not to laugh. Later on, Pat is telling all in the
Vic and LadyDen pulls a hilarious smug face. Lee is still flirting
with LadyDen, by the way. Sham goes home in a state (her acting is
pretty good this episode), shouts at Curly and Minty and then goes
round the Vic. She asks LadyDen for a drink but then changes her mind
and says "Actually I'll help myself as it's MY PUB!!!" She grabs all
the money out of the till (while various cast members point and say
"cor blimey!"), has another fight with LadyDen and ends up hurling her
into the Cellar of Death. Maybe Sham has been working out lately. She
screams that she is sick of being trampled and that she is getting her
pub back and that LadyDen is the only one who will go down for O-Den's
death.