MONOPOLY

Sorry this is late - another failure of email updating...

Dumber invites DC Peter round for tea. The Dolescums agonise about
what to give him that will match up to the swan's tongues and stuffed
larks etc that they assume Ian feeds him. In the end they can only
afford to make chip sarnies and Peter likes them. Phew! That was the
most exciting plot ever!

Martin and Moomin skip around moaning about Poline and planning sex
romps. Next!

Pat tries to organise Byrite's funeral but no-one wants to come. Good.

Sham lurks around in her black coat and threatens/mocks LadyDen. Hey
Sham, if you really want to scare her you could try singing to her
(only joking, she is quite good in Fame Academy). LadyDen resorts to
cunning telephonic wiles - she texts Pat from O-Den's phone saying
"he" doesn't know where Denman is and then phones herself at the Vic
so she can shout down the phone "O-Den! You're definitely alive then?
No, I won't take you back, ever!!!" Sham and Teen try and tell LadyDen
to stop it (why?). Teen has "moved on" and is reading a business
development brochure that Moomin picked up in Nursing College (???).
After the pub has shut, Sham magically appears again and says she
wants £1,000 a week off LadyDen or else.

Lee is still spending all his spare time leaning against the bar,
staring at LadyDen and drooling. So attractive. All Seeing All
Powerful Tony Bennet tells him that he has bought the house the
Ferrieras are renting (I detect the beginning of the end for them -
finally) and has also bought a house for himself. If he gets another
house he can put a hotel on the Square too!

There is a glimpse of Winston! Woo hoo!

Minty, Agarry and Drippy note that the videoshop is shut and that
there is an advert for the new manager/flat in the window (I can see
why you would want a live in manager - after all you wouldn't want
anyone breaking in during the night and stealing all the precious
copies of Flying Virus). Billy is nowhere to be found so they all run
around looking for him, panicking that he has "done something stupid",
even though it would be more worrying and out of character if he ever
did something not-stupid. The tension is reduced somewhat when they
show that he is actually in the flat 8 minutes into the episode. Billy
says he is fine and tells Drippy to leave him alone for good. Drippy
complains to Fool that she will just have to let him get on with it
now. Fool goes to chat to Billy on Losers Bench and Billy points out
that it would "kill him if her ever saw Drippy with another bloke."
Shut up, Billy.

Adull and Martina continue with the bickering and the tedium. Martina:
"you are boring and no fun!" Adull: "Work is more important!" Rinse
Repeat etc. Martina says that she thought Adull was different (ie
gay). Ash shows up for the first time in about a year. Meanwhile
Curly is also rejected by Sham as she is too busy being Evil to go out
on a date. He starts sniffing round Martina. It all comes to a head in
the Vic when a random extra who looks like Uri Geller (or David
Coulthard, according to Sarah) starts trying to pull Martina. She
gives him the brush off but is very persistent, even when Curly runs
up and says he is Martina's brother. Adull comes along and Uri/David
makes an Al Qaeda "joke" - woo! topical! In the ensuing fracas, Billy
runs along and headbuts Uri/David. Grrr! Billy smash! Uri is thrown
out and LadyDen bars Billy. Gasp! The whole pub cheesily falls silent
at this shocking development. Billy stomps off and Martina and Adull
bicker some more. Martina goes back to the cab office and Curly
follows her and starts licking her neck and explaining that he can be
fun. They start doing it on the desk while Adull's voice squawks
impotently on the intercom.