MALIB-WHO? STACEY!
All kinds of weird craziness seems to have happened while I was on holiday. For one thing it appears that teen popster JoJo has joined the cast as a long lost Teener Slater. Jojo wonders round talking to someone on her mobile phone about her mother being sectioned and torments A-Garry by making him talk about Sullen and describing the time she was on Tricia. She decides to cheer him up by shagging him (bearing in mind she's only 15 - why is EE suddenly beset by teeneage nympho jailbait? Some of the writers need to get a grip) but AGarry resists her monotone charms. I'll reserve judgement on her acting for now as people are always terrible when they first start out on EE.

Also Drippy is back! Having a baby has a) made her hair change colour and b) started her using a different foundation. Everyone stands around the court looking awkward until fake-slutty starts drunkenly snivelling over cute baby Frederick. Her stunt double runs off to be sick and Fool goes after her. Then every goddamn Slater plot of the last 5 years is rehashed in record time. Mo and Rainman find out that Drippy is staying with Kyert and that Kyert is going to help look after the baybay while Drippy is on the dock. They start going on at Drippy until Teen drags them off and tells them to treat Drippy like a grown up or they will drive her away again. Go Teen! Ignore all the haytas! Teen confesses to Rainman that Slutty wished she had hadn't had her and Rainman makes a "I'm just trying to do the best for my gels" face. Slutty is sick in her hair and realises that she has got a problem and has hit rock bottom etc etc. She decides to stop drinking and Fool agrees to help her. Then Charlie tells Slutty off for saying mean things to Teen so Slutty goes down to the pub. Good one, Charlie. Kyert wanders round being sanctimonious. Drippy and Billy have a nice chat but then Billy brings up up the question of whether she tells the court that Fred is son-of-evil-graham. Drippy goes all Drippy. Zzz, why not just read an easties update for one of the other 50 million episodes when they argued about this. Anywayyyy, Drippy is called to give evidence. The defence barrister is a posh supercilious lady (in EE the baddy lawyer is ALWAYS a posh supercilious lady) who makes all these intimations about how Drippy really lurved Graham. If you have ever seen a rape trial on telly you will be able to write this scene yourself. Anyway, Mean Lady Lawyer's spidey sense starts tingling and she asks if Billy is really the father! Drippy pauses "dramatically" and then says that Graham is the father. All the extras make "rhubarb rhubarb" muttering noises and Billy makes a face as if to say "Doh!".