LAW AND BORED-ER

JoJo continues to chase A-Garry around the house and tempt him with
her nubile, under-age loins. She chases him to the Arches, back to the
house and then tries to get him drunk on cooking sherry and keeps
touching his hand. In the end he snaps and tells her to leave off. She
changed tactics, begins to cry and says she's ugly and recounts the
heartbreaking tale of how some bad boys once mocked her "New Look" top
and "Claire's Accessories" um, accessories. A-Garry consoles her
(suckerrrr) and she slips him the tongue. Of course, Rainman pops his
head round the door that very second and the following inspired
dialogue takes place: Charlie: "Garry!", Garry "Charlie!", JoJo:
"Garry!", Garry: "Stacey!", Charlie: "Stacey?", Stacey: "Charlie?",
Me: "Shut up!" It occurs to me that they are setting up JoJo to be the
Juhneen for the New Millennium. Well missy, you are not fit to wear
Juhneen's cast off slip-on shoes.

Ethel 2.0 does her "wise gargoyle" routine and hangs off the banisters
advising Fool to patch things up with Slutty. Fool and Charlie chat on
the phone and realise that Slutty must have gone to the pub.
Meanwhile, Slutty meets a bloke in the pub who looks vaguely familiar
(maybe he used to be in the Bill or Causalty or something). Bloke buys
her a drink and talks about how his marriage failed because him and
his wife stopped fancying each other. Slutty looks "thoughtful" (and
also super clownish with all the make-up she is wearing). Fool shows
up and Slutty complains that Fool never touches her any more and asks
if he still fancies her. Fool says "Of course, dear" whilst averting
his eyes, trying not to vomit, scrubbing his hands with carbolic acid,
etc. Slutty tells him to go away and accompanies Ginger Divorce Bloke
back to his bachelor bad. Do straight people really hang around in
pubs in day time and expect to cop off? Well I never. GDB says that
Slutty is easy, oops I mean "nice" and they kiss.

More courtroom "drama". The lawyers are cross with Drippy for not
telling them about the "Graham = Daddy" bombshell. Drippy says "Well I
couldn't exactly perjure myself so shut up." The Slaters keep running
into Graham and his mum (whose name, according to the credits, is
"Graham's Mum" good effort there writers) and making hacky faces at
each other. Maybe Graham's Mum will have a crisis of conscience and
stand up and shout "Yes! He is a rapist! He's a bad seed!" Kyert does
her normal busybody routine and tries to talk sense into Billy and
Drippy so that their eternal lurve can continue anew. Drippy goes into
the courtroom to give evidence; or maybe it is her identical twin
Plucky! She doesn't take any shit from Mean Lady Lawyer and
articulately explains why she couldn't abort baby Fredrik. She says
"The baybay was innocent!" directly to the jury and all the jury
members nod and pull faces and make the most of their camera time.
Billy is called to give evidence and totally ignores the lady lawyer
and gives an impassioned speech about how Drippy is a saint! No! an
angel! Whose only fault is to be too trusting for this cruel harsh
world and how the biggest mistake in his life was to drive her away!
Oh, as if the lawyer would let him get away with all that. Anyway, a
single, perfectly formed tear rolls down Drippy's face as she listens
to him ranting on.