BLUE MOON
Sorry cats and kittens, this is another shoddy BBC website crib. Feel free to fill in valuable/comic details in the comments box...

Rainman gets the Dole-scum family round to discuss their delinquent brood. They make the kids clear up the broken crockery - and pay for it I would hope but Dumi fakes a fainting fit to get out of it. Rosie Klebb threatens to sue Rainman. How about he has your brats arrested for breaking and entering and criminal damage instead, bitch?

MMartin is desperate to pack Moomin off on her Plot Contrivance For Beginners course. He tries to hide her phone so Glenn can't contact her while she is away but interfering old bat Poline finds it and returns it to Moomin. Moomin gets a txt from Glenn saying GOODBYE... 4EVAH!!!!. Glenn somehow gets into Mmartins house and says she will scweam and scweam until she's sick if he tries to manhandle her. She thinks that Mmartin got rid of Moomin so they could spend more time together and says she'll be back tomorrow with all ther worldly possessions (including her giant folding Shrine to the wonder that is Mmartin, etc).

Minty creates a diversion to stop Sham meeting up with Byrite until Marcus Bent Lawyer can intervene to prevent Byrite's dastardly asset stripping type schemes. He actually succeeds for once and Marcus shows up with papers so that sham gets half of Byrite's things but Byrite only gets half of Sham's own original things (i.e. excluding the Mighty Mitchell Empire). Byrite makes hacky faces when he realises he now has a half share in a load of white poly-cotton trouser suits. Sham is all "payday!" and looks forward to squandering Byrite's fortune.

Mental Midget Fool is cracking up with the stress of Slutty's absence. FFS she's only been gone three episodes. Bring back national service, etc. He hides his grief by acting zany. I wipe away a single, perfectly formed tear - so sad to have missed half an hour of Shane Ritchie's sad clown/ crying on the inside/ "comedy" stylings. He won't talk to Backstreet or Teen about where Slutty is (oh, like slutty wouldn't have told her family where she's going) and insults various underutilised cast members. Occasionally he runs upstairs and does mad things like "fondling Kat's lipstick" (EW!) and "smashing up her dressing table" (presumably covering all of Walford in a foot thick layer of make-up) etc etc. He tries to start a sing along but everyone just stares at him like he is mental and won't join in. He runs upstairs and weeps into a leopardskin scarf. Pathetic.